What You Need to Remember When You’ve Lost Your Identity
I remember the hours spent in the little green glider rocker. Bleary-eyed from lack of sleep, hormone-induced roller coaster emotions, and a body that frankly didn’t even feel like my own. Some days I yearned simply for a shower or someone to talk to above the age of 3. Other days a silent room and some white space sounded like a little piece of Heaven.
Yet in the midst of it all, I wanted to hold onto the moments and pull my babies in for one more snuggle. I wanted to stare at the miracle of them. Watch the rise and fall of their breathing chests and hear one more baby sigh in the middle of their deep sleep.
It was everything to me.
So much so that I allowed this season of parenting to define my identity and determine my worth.
Can you relate? Maybe the season you have allowed to define and determine your worth isn’t this one, but perhaps it’s another. Maybe it’s a season of education, climbing a career ladder, marriage, ministry, health, or fitness?
In spite of 9 months of perfectly healthy ultrasounds, our eldest entered the world with a genetic health condition affecting his intestines. As a new Mama facing her first baby’s health crisis, I was a mess.
As I sat in the NICU with my baby hooked up to a myriad of tubes and wires, I kept hearing words of condemnation echo throughout my mind.
It must be my fault.
My baby, the very one who, in that moment of birth, opened my heart to a love unlike any I’d ever experience or imagined possible, was in pain. I couldn’t fix it. Was there something I could have done differently during pregnancy?
And then, when it came to nursing, I couldn’t make that happen either. Not for either of my boys. Guilt ravaged my spirit. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I succeed at getting my children the best possible nutrition?
From sleep schedules, illnesses, feeding struggles, and potty training. To sex, not-so-great dinners, a messy house, and financial trials.
In my mind it pointed to one thing.
I was falling short in every area of my life.
But what I forgot was that God never created me as a perfect being. Falling short is part of His design. Honestly, if I didn’t fall short, I would have no need for Him. The only One who has and will never fall short.
And there was one more important truth I failed to recognize.
My identity wasn’t determined by that season of life.
I’d gotten it all wrong. I allowed myself to feel that I was only as good as my successes as a mother. And let me tell you, for even the best of Mamas, there are far more missed shots than there are field goals.
You see, I’m worthy because I was created in the image of God. Period.
Not worthy if I am made in the image of God AND I score more than I miss. Not worthy if my children are healthy OR well-behaved.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. –Genesis 1:27
Your Identity
Friends, we are designed with our own unique gifts and abilities which may look strikingly different from those of the woman sitting next to us. And although she may not have a messy house right now, she may be in another season of life that has its own set of missed shots. We are each in different chapters of life and it makes no sense to compare one to the other.
All we can do, sweet sisters, is live each season of life with all that we’ve got. Notice the moments, grab hold of them, and live with gratitude for who and what God gives us. But hold Truth out in front of us as a reminder that our season of life is not our identity. It is not who we are. Our season of life is only what we do.
This means that amidst both failures and successes we are always #ChosenandWorthy.
Our season of life is not WHO we are. It is only WHAT we do. #lostidentity #chosenandworthy Share on XThese days I’m in a new season. The littles have grown. Their needs are very different now and the challenges new. Seemingly overnight I went from the Mom Who Knows All to the Mom Who Lost Her Mind. And can you believe I’ve even caught those stinkers rolling their eyes? Ugh!
Occasionally, I notice myself going there. Down the path of a seasonal identity. Those rolling eyes? The tone? The attitude? Yup. A kick in the good old worth.
But this time around God’s Word is firmly planted within me so I catch myself. The Holy Spirit reminds me my worth is not in my successes. It’s in Christ.
It’s simply about giving my best, pointing to Him while I do it, and stepping forward.
If my kids don’t make the choices I would have them make, or they go down paths that break my heart, it will hurt. Rest assured the tears will fall.
But I’ll cling to the truth that tells me my worth doesn’t fluctuate with my children’s choices. It remains the same because God remains the same.
Our worth doesn't fluctuate with our children's choices! #lostidentity #chosenandworthy #seasons #hope Share on XJesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. –Hebrews 13:8
Because I am a child of God, created in His image, I am valuable. Yes. I know I’ll need reminders. I know I’ll have to pray it, speak it, and claim it every single day.
But the Truth will never change.
I’m not sure what the next season involves. But I know the truth of who I am. How about you? In what season of life are you? Are you straining under the weight of a broken identity? Do you struggle to remember you are #ChosenandWorthy because you have given what you do the power to define your worth?
It’s time to stop, sweet friends.
Your seasons of life will change several times, but your identity will not.
You are a child of God and created in His image.
Therefore you are chosen. You are worthy. You are a called wonderful.
Period.
Could you use more tools and resources to help you embrace a healthy identity?
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Lori, this is one of my favorite posts of yours! It hits at the heart of what so many of us have experienced, and your honesty is so comforting. The enemy knows how to plant seeds of failure so deeply. I love this statement: “But what I forgot was that God never created me as a perfect being. Falling short is part of His design. Honestly, if I didn’t fall short, I would have no need for Him.” Isn’t this the most beautiful and freeing truth! Amen Friend!!
Thank you, Crystal! Our quest for perfection starts so early and is something we continually need to address. Accepting our imperfections and embracing the beauty of God’s strength in those weakness really is freeing! Many many Easter blessings to you, my friend!
Thank you for the encouraging words! I will share this!
Thank you, Cindy!
Beautiful reminder. Too often we get caught up in what we do with our time, instead of focusing on who we were created to be.
Hi Heather,
Yes. Such a good way of saying it – getting caught up in what we do with our time instead of who we were created to be. Thank you for visiting today! Many Easter blessings to you!
Lori, this post ministers to me right now — in this season of wearing so many identities all at once, it’s a huge comfort to hear the words that what I do is only what I do. It’s not who I am. I’m encouraged to work on *being* — for His glory!
Wearing so many hats does make for confusion, doesn’t it? Our human mind wants to grab hold of one and label ourselves with it. Holding onto it like a security blanket. But when we grab onto our true identity, we can be rest assured it will never change! Blessings to you, my friend ♥
Love love LOVE this! I’m writing on this same topic now for my next series! So much of what you’ve said rings true with me! When I got out of the Army I wondered who I was … it was a tough time. But the truth is I was still God’s chosen and beloved. I just didn’t know that then! Easter Blessings!
Thank you for visiting, Liz! I can only imagine how tough that transition was. Happy Easter to you, as well! May it be filled with new beginnings♥
Yes, it seems when a new season comes along, even a welcomed one, I need to recalibrate my worth status: I am who I am, as Dr. Seuss said, and who I am doesn’t change: a sinner, loved, saved by Grace. Working on an article – Why I’m Not a Feminist (and Why I’m Not Not a Feminist) – should be fun! Ha!
Love the sound of that article, Sue! I’ll have to make sure I stop by to read it! Recalibrating – what a great way of looking at it 🙂
Thank you – this was a really amazing post – very real, very to the point and incredibly helpful. You hit the nail on the head of what troubles most of us – how we feel about ourselves and how we define our worth (without cliched and clipped answers. Another big thank you for that). Very refreshing. Found your post at Fresh Market Friday next to mine. God bless and Happy Easter
Hi Tracey,
It’s so nice to meet you! And I am so thankful this post resonated with you. I look forward to connecting more in the future!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Lori, beautiful words that I needed to hear like right this second! Thanks for the encouragement. I look forward to coming back and reading more really soon!
Hi Jaime,
I am so thankful God used these words to minister to your heart! I”m praying for you right now – for Him to convict you of the truth that you are marvelously loved, chosen, and worthy! Blessings!
Lori,
You have no idea how much I needed to hear your words this morning.Thank you. I just spent many hours trying to work something to perfection, which it never got to. The truth is it was good enough hours ago.
Now I am worried that God will have me fall short in the middle of my presentation because I didn’t allow enough room for him. Hoping I will let your words penetrate my heart today as I put the final touches on a presentation. I truly do want God to shine and not me looking for my identity.
My favorite part of your post – “But what I forgot was that God never created me as a perfect being. Falling short is part of His design. Honestly, if I didn’t fall short, I would have no need for Him.”
I have drawn into him in my days where I was not enough, where I was entirely dependent on him. If only I could live everyday like that.
Maree
Maree, I’m so sorry you struggled in those moments, but I am so glad God used my story and the words He put on my heart to speak to you! I hope your presentation went well! And I agree … if only we could live drawn into Him and dependent upon only Him every single day! Bless you!
Perfect words to come at a perfect time. Thank you so much for sharing your heart!! I needed to hear that!
Hi Stacy,
I am so thankful these words encouraged you! I stopped to pray for you right now. -That when you feel lost in an identity other than Child of His, He plants the Truth on your lips and in your heart and mind. That you always remember you are loved, chosen, and worthy! Thank you for visiting today ♥
Lori- I’ve been caught in the identity of mom for so long, stepping out apart from that is really scary! Thank you for the reminder of Who my identity is forever in.
Blessings and I’m sharing 🙂
How easy it is, right? It’s an all consuming role of our lives with our hearts fully given to those little lives. Remembering Who God calls us keeps us in a healthy place to parent well and then to continue with marriage and another season of life after they are grown ♥ Love having you here, my friend! You are such a gift!
Amen, amen.
This is really helpful especially to those going through some crisis in their lives..
I pray it is so, Lux ♥ Thanks for visiting today!
The season of ‘first graduate’ is on the horizon – and ‘learner’s license’ is in a few weeks. I’m not ready. This momma’s heart isn’t ready. I probably never will be, to be quite honest. At the beginning of your post you share the memories of when your sons were babes. It was so hard back then, wasn’t it? I’m going to have to start letting go and trusting God with my girl. Now THAT is going to be SUPER hard.
But through it all…I need to remember where my identity is. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth, Lori!
Praying for you, Aimee, as you venture into that new season! I feel your pain as my oldest is 9 months away from that license!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Such a powerful and important message. In the span of 3 years I lost my career as a physician (because of health), my marriage and my kids flew out of the nest. It’s been the most painful season of my life but my identity is secure. God has to be my everything – and I am His. Thanks for a beautiful post. Glad to be your neighbor at Suzie’s
Oh, Vickie, you have been through a lot. Praise God that you’ve drawn closer and closer to Him through all of this. Thank you for your grace-filled words.