5 Things to Pray When You Want to Be a Better Wife

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“Lord, I just need You to FIX HIM!”

“Make him see his ways.”

“Soften his heart.”

“Give him eyes to see my needs and the strength to follow through with that.”

As a wife, have you ever prayed those kinds of prayers? Maybe every. single. day?

Is there anything wrong with those prayers? Absolutely not! But may I challenge you to notice what is missing? And then to take an uncomfortable step in the right direction?

My friend, Carmen of Married by His Grace, is a prayer warrior of the fiercest kind. She’s bold, funny, compassionate, and an absolute treasure. Today I get the honor of sharing her words of wisdom when it comes to praying for your marriage. More specifically, when it comes to praying to be a better wife …

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Prayer is our best tool in the quest to be better wives for our husbands. Here you will find 5 things to Pray When You Want to Be a Better Wife

Praying to Be a Better Wife

When I first married I would pray often for my husband and for the situations we were facing. I prayed for the arguments that were happening repeatedly and for the things I just simply did not like.

For the moment, prayer would give me hope, satisfaction, and relief. I would stand up from my knees, wipe my tears, and feel confident that I did exactly what I was called to do as a wife.

But with negative thinking, I would say, “Unlike my husband I took the situation to prayer.”

I made the choice to take to Christ his tempter, his financial habits, and his walls that were causing lack of intimacy.

I did what I thought I was called to do as a wife holding a spiritual position in the home. I chased God with what I thought was ‘righteousness’.

As time went on I would stand once more from my praying knees. But with time I began doubting there would ever be change. I was so sure I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing. I was leaving all of this at the feet of Jesus. Why were the same situations still rising?

If I am praying to the point of exhaustion, why are the same situations still arising in my marriage? #SummerSizzleBlogHop #betterwife @marriedbyhisgrace Share on X

As I picked up a book one day The Power of a Praying Wife; the first chapter was about praying for yourself as a wife. I liked the title of the chapter.  

I thought, “Great, I need a chapter of prayer for myself because at this point I need an immense amount of  strength. Praying for my husband and all these walls he has is getting exhausting”.


It was the longest chapter in the book and it all came down to changing me!

Prayer is our best tool in the quest to be a strong wife for our husband. Here you will find 5 things to Pray When You Want to Be a Better Wife

I wish I could say I read it and changed immediately from that day forward, but I didn’t.

The battle of change was hard. I battled with confessing my faults, my negativity in my marriage, and the same stubbornness I blamed my husband of having.

The battle of changing is fierce. Lean in, go to Jesus, and pray. #betterwife #SummerSizzleBlogHop @marriedbyhisgrace Share on X

However, I did receive the seeds that were planted the very first day I read the book. It sparked more questions in me than just why the situations were not changing. I began asking myself, “What if I do start praying for myself to change? How much change will there truly be?” That question intrigued me.

At this point, all I knew was that I wanted some sort of change and if it meant it had to be me then it would be worth the try.

I am and always will be a wife constantly learning and growing into what the Lord is calling me to do as a wife. However, now that I pray for myself, the dreaded growing pains are less frequent. I have found that kneeling down to the Lord with supplications is much less selfless.

The requests are now not so much of, “God, hurry and change this.” It consists more of, “God enrich him, build him up mightily, give him vision and passion to chase after You even more.”

Instead of getting caught up of all the things I wish God could change, I much rather pray for the things that will bless my husband.

Now my prayers for my husband are ones that call out to God for me to be the best wife I can be. 

Here are 5 Things I pray for myself to become a better wife:
Prayer is our best tool in the quest to be better wives for our husbands. Here you will find 5 things to Pray When You Want to Be a Better Wife
If you would like the printable PDF version of this list, it can be found in the Library of Hope!

1.To have my spiritual eyes and ears open to hear the needs and desires of my husband.

This one is something that I am still learning and trying to grasp. I have a deep desire for this. I pray often to develop a gift of constantly be willing to have my spiritual eyes and ears sensitive to my husbands needs and desires.

When my husband is stressed from work with heavy loads of projects, I don’t want to just think he’s being cranky and I should stay clear from him. I want to be able to look deeper than the surface. I hope to use spiritual discernment in this area.

Sometimes it is best to leave our spouse alone as they deal with situations. Just be sure to still be ONE with your spouse and give them what they need. Grace and open arms.

When discernment suddenly tells me that my husband needs me to just go up and hug him, I do it. I hug him and tell him how good of a man he is. This usually makes him smile or laugh and say “What do you want?” He knows I don’t want anything but just to make him smile and give him a sense of relief.

Those are the moments I feel victorious as a wife. I am not running from the surface look of things, I am seeking God first of what to do that can help my husband.

2. To have confidence in myself first, not man.

When my husband and I first married I depended on my husbands affirmation! I wanted him to constantly notice my new outfit, a new way I tried doing my hair, or even just notice my presence whenever I walked into a room. I wanted his compliments on every meal I made and every time I folded his clean laundry. This is unrealistic!

It’s not unreasonable to request affirmation in your marriage, it’s just unreasonable to request it with every action you take. Our spouses are not here just to build our self esteems.

It's not unreasonable to request affirmation from your spouse. But what is? #betterwife #prayer #hope @marriedbygrace Share on X

They hope to enjoy our joy and confidence in who we are just as much as we would like to do that with them. This was something I would request for the Lord to change often about my husband but it did not start changing till I prayed for God to change me.

I had to find confidence in myself as a child of God – that whom I am first and foremost. I cannot claim this and then depend on man to achieve it for me. I had to learn to pray the verse

“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to

completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:6

over myself so that I would be fully confident that it is God who brings completion to me, not man. I was putting an impossible task on my husband.

3.To be a woman of grace and wisdom.

When I think of a woman of grace and wisdom, I think of the Titus woman.

Titus 2:3-5 describes a woman that I think of having elegant beauty. I imagine that it shined straight through her with a graceful beauty.

From Titus 2 I learn as a young woman I am to gain insight from the elder women of how to love my husband and children in a godly manner. Elder women can teach us how to be a homemaker, sensible, pure, and kind. This takes grace and humility to receive as a young woman.

As I age and have many years to offer as an example to the younger generation it will take wisdom to teach. I prayerfully hope I am able to receive and give with grace and wisdom for I am not just affecting myself but women of the coming generations. As I do this, my husband reaps the benefits of me living out the scriptures.

4.To win with action not words.

One of my biggest flaws in general before getting saved (and a little bit now) was that I talked too much. What I mean by too much is that I would try to explain myself over and over about decisions made or things I wanted to do.

I believe I had a habit of this because of fears of what others would think of me. I desperately wanted to relay my intentions were always good intentions behind my actions. I automatically believed no one thought I had good intentions. But by doing this I would relay frustration towards my husband instead of the situation, or guilt onto my husband instead of conviction that was in me.

I had to learn (and still am) that my actions are what speak louder than my words. Trying to convince my husband or children to understand my intentions is not what I was supposed to do. I needed to set an example of understanding by setting an example behind my decisions. I was to do this by being confident there is already trust and a positive communication set in place.

If I make a decision, follow through on it. If I want to change things then I should make it positive. I can do this by creating peace in the atmosphere instead of chaos or confusion.

5.To walk in my anointing.

I believe this is one the most important things we should be praying for ourselves as a wife.

One of the most important things we should be praying for ourselves as wives ... #betterwife #prayer #hope @marriedbygrace Share on X

When we are walking in our anointing it means we must be walking in the Spirit; and as we all know, walking in the spirit means we are dwelling in peace, being led by God, chasing after righteousness.

Our husbands and children will become witnesses to who God is in our lives and reap the abundance when we walk in our anointing. For me, walking in my anointing is prayer. When I’m in the Spirit praying consistently for the body of Christ (which is anything the Lord has placed in my heart) then I am in the presence of God.

There is no better place to be and your family, friends, and whomever you may encounter couldn’t agree more. The overflow of the anointing will grasps others with amazement of the peace they feel coming from you.

Your home will be a home of peace, your jobsite will have a shift in the atmosphere, your marriage will experience a change in communication and intimacy, because all things will be set on Christ when you allow yourself to walk in your anointing.

5 things to pray when you want to be a #betterwife #prayer #hope #marriage @marriedbygrace Share on X
I would love to read about what you pray for yourself as a wife. What areas are you growing in as a wife because you took it to God first? I pray we can encourage each other and bless one another with wisdom and insight by sharing.

Hope for the One Who Feels Unworthy After a Painful Divorce - Carmen Brown for Lori Schumaker #ChosenandWorthy (a series on identity)

Carmen Brown is the creator of Married by His Grace blog. She actively writes to women who are desiring to build their home with the word of God. Her passions involve staying connected with her family, drinking an immense amount of coffee daily, and developing content that will help and encourage new Christian Bloggers. You can connect with Carmen on her blog, Instagram, and Pinterest.

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  1. Thanks so much Carmen for sharing so authentic thoughts with us. I loved all of the 5 points and prayers and you will be amazed to know this is what exactly i wanted to here today as i also struggle so much in this area. Many blessings to you. Thanks Lori for the link up and for hosting your amazing friend on the blog today.

    1. Thank you so much for being here, and I’m grateful that God used Carmen’s words to bring comfort and peace. Praying for you today!

  2. Lori, thanks for sharing Carmen’s wisdom here. When we insist on a negative focus and fail to see our own contribution to the problems in our homes, we set ourselves up for struggle. Blessings to you both!

    1. That’s so true, Michele! Our eyes need to be fixed on Jesus, and we need to spend time with Him to keep our hearts right.

    1. Thank you, Keri! I appreciate you being here this week!

  3. Carmen, I can relate to every single bit of this and have walked much the same path in my own marriage. This is just beautifully written. I am printing it out to keep and read again. There is such wisdom here and I will definitely be sharing this article. Thank you Carmen! And thank you, Lori, for sharing!

    1. Yes, there is so much truth and goodness here that we can take away to keep implementing in our lives!

  4. These would definitely be applicable for me as a daughter and sister and friend too. Too often I want to win with ‘words’ but my actions aren’t speaking the life of Christ. Thank you for these reminders. <3

    1. Oh, Emily, yes – winning with words. I think we all want that at times, but we have to keep our words and actions lined up with the Word of God. Thank you!

  5. I love that walking out of my annointing, Carmen. I haven’t thought of it an annointing, but peace is always the result when I live from my Christ-identity. And peace as well as love is the signature/hallmark of a believer – dying to self daily to give of Christ’s self to all around me – first and foremost, husband and kids. great post!

    1. Yes! There is such peace when we live in our identity in Christ!

  6. I like the first part where we just pray for him to change. HaHa – It is so true we do need to pray for ourselves and that we will be willing to do the changing. I know in my marriage many times I have prayed for God to make me the wife my husband would desire, to help me focus on what is good and right, and most important to be more accepting.

    1. So funny!! I think we all like that part! 😉 But, oh, the doors that open when we pray for God to make us who we need to be!

  7. Thank you Carmen for sharing this! It’s packed full of wisdom 🙂

    Lori- I hope you’re enjoying your summer 🙂

    1. Yes, I agree that there is so much wisdom in this post. Thank you, Julie!

  8. I agree that the hardest but best prayer is to first ask God to change us. Ugh. I often want to skip that step. 🙂 Thanks for sharing these things to pray about, Carmen. Important stuff.

    1. I agree, Lisa – what a tough prayer that is! But it’s vital, isn’t it?

    1. You’re welcome! Thanks for being here, Sherry!

  9. Some great advice! So true that we need to avoid praying for our husband to change and instead pray God’s blessing on him and at the same time pray that God works on us, making us more like Him ☺

    1. Yes – that can be a hard lesson to remember, but that’s where we step out in faith, and trust that God will do what’s best!

  10. There is much wisdom found in this post for sure – no matter how many years we have been married. I know my marriage flourished when I began praying for me to change and grow into the wife needed. Once I left my husband in God’s hands, letting Him work in him the way needed, we both grew and changed. This was such a great reminder this morning. Blessings!

    1. That’s so true – leaving our husbands in God’s hands then we know that God will work in them, but in His timing. Thank you, Joanne!

  11. Hi Lori, I’m new here and just linked up! I would like to add your link up to my link up page but couldn’t find the date on your post, so not sure what day of the week your link-up is. If you could let me know I’d be happy to include it on my link-up page! Thanks. : )

    1. Hi Cathy, Thank you so much for checking on this! My linkup goes live on Monday mornings. Looking forward to getting to know you better!

  12. marriedbyhisgrace says:

    Thank you Lori for allowing me to share this post on your blog. I am always honored with work with you in Christ, sister!!

    1. Thank you, Carmen! I appreciate sharing your wisdom!