5 Reasons I Failed to Appreciate My Worth

9 Christian Bloggers Share Their Best Posts All Summer Long! - The Summer Sizzle Blog Hop SeriesWelcome to the Summer Sizzle Blog Hop Series where 9 Christian Women Blogs share their VERY BEST POSTS all summer long! Friends, I’m so excited about having the opportunity to give you this summer treat. Whether about your faith, marriage, children, or friendships – these posts are those that encouraged thousands of others before you! Kind of like a highlight reel!

Today I welcome my dear friend and fear fighter, Valerie Murray from Cord of 6. You all know my heart for women who live life trapped by the chains of insecurity, fear, and shame. The ones that result because we don’t fully grasp the truth of our identity in Christ. Valerie is a friend who also shares the same heart. She understands what fear does and she knows God’s love has the power to transform our fear into courage and strength!

Join us for the #SummerSizzle #BlogHopSeries 9 Christian Women Bloggers share their BEST posts all summer long! #MomentsofHope #Summer Share on X

Do you battle feeling insecure? Lacking confidence? Here are 5 reasons I failed to appreciate my worth and what I needed to do to change that!5 Reasons I Failed to Appreciate My Worth

Do you lack confidence? When you think about yourself, are your thoughts positive or negative?

Do you have head knowledge that God loves you but have a hard time believing it in your heart?

Sometimes I can’t believe I still battle feeling insecure. Over the years I’ve gained a lot of confidence, but I still have to put my armor on against the fiery arrows that aim to deflate my worth.

I can't believe I STILL battle insecurity! Don't fall for these 5 traps! #identity #selfworth #confidence Share on X

I become discouraged when I allow these arrows to pierce me. I lose my sense of purpose. I start doubting God can use me.

Don’t let these 5 traps deflate the truth of who you are.

1. Letting other people define me

You’re stupid! You have no common sense! You’re an airhead.

I believed these words and allowed them to define me as a young girl.

These words crippled me and made me afraid to try new things. I became terrified of failing and looking stupid. And so I learned to live without taking risks. I never tried out for sports or extra-curricular activities. I learned to live in fear.

This is a terrible way to live! I take risks now. Big risks to my ego, like starting a blog. But sometimes I still have to push myself to take more risks. I have to be confident in what God is calling me to do and stop doubting myself.

Friends, never forget, your worth is not defined by people.
Your worth is defined by God. It’s engraved in the scars on his wrists.
2. Being afraid of what others will think of me

People pleasers live in fear of being rejected. I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life. I want you to like me. I want approval. This is also a terrible way to live! You simply cannot please everyone! The Bible says that we should live to please God, not man.

For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. -Galatians 1:10

But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. -Acts 5:29

for they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God. -John 12:43

Do you battle feeling insecure? Lacking confidence? Here are 5 reasons I failed to appreciate my worth and what I needed to do to change that!

3. Doubting God’s love for me

Do you know what happens when you doubt God’s love for you? You try and earn His love by being good enough.

Sure. You may believe you’re saved through faith and not by works. But there is a works mentality ingrained in you.

If you do all the right things, then your life will be blessed. Because just maybe you’ll make God proud of you. If you don’t do the right things, then God will be disappointed in you and you will suffer the consequences.

But friends, that thinking is not Biblical.

There’s nothing we can do to make him love us any more. We are already fully accepted. Fully loved. Even when we sin. That’s amazing grace!

When this kind of grace penetrates your heart, you understand God’s love for you. You have confidence in who He made you to be. Just the way he made you. You accept his free gift of salvation and live for Jesus because the gift is wrapped up in grace, not works. That’s freedom.

You can’t do anything to earn God’s love. His love for you is already perfect and complete!

What happens when you doubt God's love for you? #identity #insecurity #SummerSizzle #BlogHopSeries Share on X
4. Comparing myself to others

I saw the cover of People magazine titled, “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.” Who feels good about themselves when they read a title like that? The first thing I did was hate on myself. I wonder what it feels like to be Jennifer Anniston, the most beautiful woman in the world? To look that young at her age. To have no wrinkles. I wonder how much older than her I look? But it doesn’t do me any good to compare myself to Jennifer Anniston!

I left the magazine on the shelf and knew in my heart that to God, every single person He ever made could rock the cover of that magazine.

You can’t compare individuals because it’s their individuality that makes them beautiful! 

I love this quote from Cheryl Martin’s book Distinctly You:

“Be authentically you. That’s when you will have your greatest success.”

No matter what your goals are, there will always be someone to compare yourself to. There will always be someone faster, prettier, and more talented. So stop comparing and just be the best you, you can be.

Stop comparing and just be your best YOU! #insecurity #identity #worth Share on X
5. Negative self-talk

Have you ever listened to that voice that talks to you? The voice you hear when you mess up. The voice you hear when you’re scared to take a risk. The voice you hear when you’re not measuring up to your own standards.

You’re a bad mom. You’re so lazy. You’re certainly not the mom you envisioned after 6 years of infertility. You were such a great teacher and now you can barely manage your own kids.

Isn’t that simply awful?!

Do you know what happens when we talk negatively to ourselves? We begin to believe it as truth. When we believe lies as truth we start to mold into the role we have given ourselves and we become stuck.

But when you speak the truth of who you are to yourself you become the person you know God wants you to be. You live out the truth of who you really are. You make changes. Not out of guilt but because you know that God has equipped you to be the best you-you can be.

Instead of letting lies affect our thoughts, let’s fill our minds with the truth!

What has caused you to doubt your worth? How can you encourage someone else to have confidence?

Valerie Murray is a wife of 21 years and a busy mom to 4 energetic children. She writes at ValerieMurray.com about keeping faith and family strong through Christ. Her heart’s desire is to offer hope to others and declare the glory of God in her life through her writing. Her mission is to offer encouragement to struggling marriages, overwhelmed moms and people striving to face their fears and know their worth. Coffee, chocolate and a good movie always makes her happy! You can find her on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Instagram & Google+.

Did you miss some of the most popular posts from the #ChosenandWorthy Series? You can find all them right  HERE !

Hope is at the heartbeat of living victorious lives. Without hope, what do we have? But to hold onto that hope, there are some things we have to embrace like our identity in Christ, the power of gratitude, and a positive thought life. Would you like extra encouragement to keep you focused on the right things? – The things that will keep your hope alive?

#MomentsofHope Link-Up

Thank you for joining me here each week to share the hope given to us through Christ. Whether your words come from a story that points to the full healing you have experienced in Christ, or its a story of the journey along the road to the healing you know He is working in you, it is giving hope to others. Your words matter and it honors me to have you share them here in this space!

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  1. Another amazing read. Funny that even at this age, we sometimes encounter this feeling.

    1. Isn’t that so true? Lord, show us who we are in You!

  2. Dear Valerie, this is an excellent. These categories of traps sadly is common reason for feeling unworthy!
    Thank you for pouring out this profound goodness here.
    I am excited about this summer reads. I can’t wait for other writers to share theirs. 😛
    Thank you Lori.
    Hearty Blessings to you both

    1. Thank you so much, Ifeoma! I hope the posts this summer are truly a blessing!

  3. Lori, thanks for bringing to us a serving of Valerie-wisdom!

    Valerie, I have certainly reached an age at which my 20-something self would thought I’d be over all the insecurity — and, in Christ, I should be! The truth is overwhelming. Thanks for sharing it here.

    1. Thank you, Michele! Yes, we think we will outgrow this at some age, but there are always comparisons to be made, and we are so good at doing that. May God give us ears to hear Him, and a heart open to His encouragement!

  4. What an honor to have you–my dear friend Lori–feature words from my heart on your blog. I sure love how God has crossed our paths and linked us together in hearts and ministry and friendship. Thank you for being who you are. Love you!

    1. Thank you, Valerie! What a pleasure to feature your post today! I thank the Lord for His work in our lives, in bringing us together!

  5. Thank you so much for speaking truth; I am guilty of every single one of these. For about 2 years, I really really struggled with wanting to please people more than God, and it was a draining thing. It was hard. But the Lord is changing me. <3

    1. Praise God that you can see His changes at work in your life! Thank you for sharing – that blesses me today!

  6. The comparison trap is one of my danger points. Thanks for sharing all 5 of these though. I can relate to each one! Love this truth: “You accept his free gift of salvation and live for Jesus because the gift is wrapped up in grace, not works. That’s freedom.” Thank God for our freedom!

    1. There’s such wisdom and truth in those words, yes! I’m thankful for grace!

  7. Great topic and one all women can relate to. Great tips. Why is our enemy always trying to make us feel we are not enough? Even in our looks. Remember God created us and when we put ourselves down and criticize our bodies, we are putting down his handiwork. I know I get angry or sad when I hear one of my child put themselves down and doubt their worth and think they are not good enough. I imagine the same is true with God. When I remember this, I am less prone to critical self-talk.

    1. You make such a wonderful point, Theresa! Yes, as God’s children, how his heart must hurt when we put ourselves down. What a great reminder today, thank you!

  8. What a great way to start off summer! And with something that we can all identify with at some point. I am reminded often how fragile my identity is when I allow the world to define and influence…a lifelong battle. I don’t know if I will ever win this battle against insecurity, but so thankful for encouragement like this to help strenghten the foundation. Thanks so much Valerie and Lori!

    1. So true – we easily get sidetracked with what the world thinks, with the voice that speaks loudest. Let’s listen for His still, small voice this week!

  9. All those traps are all too familiar! It is definitely important that we recognize them as traps though, so we can fight against them with God’s truth. Thanks for your encouragement today.

    1. Yes, it’s so easy to get tangled up. Thank you for your comment; I’m praying for you today!

  10. Valerie- thank you for sharing your story! I have doubted my self worth because of things said to me as a child. God is helping me overcome the lies and the labels!

    1. What a wonderful thought that God can so graciously and gently wash away the labels attached to us. His care and love for us are simply overwhelming sometimes! Thank you for visiting!

  11. Wonderful post. I struggle with the people pleasing and comparing. I just need to be me and at the same time remind myself not everyone will like me.

    1. Yes, continue to become the person who God made you to be. Stay close to Him, and live fully and confidently in Him. I’m praying for you today!

  12. What a great reminder every women need to hear,Valerie! Our mutual enemy is out there to drag us all down with these 5 points! The Devil cannot get us to stop loving Christ,so why not attack us emotionally by putting negative thoughts, or comparision ,or guilt filled life.

    We have victory through Jesus Christ our Lord over all these negativity . We are complete in HIM

    Diana (http://dianasdiaries.com)

    1. Yes, you’re exactly right, Diana. The enemy will try to frustrate us at every turn. Amen – victory in Jesus! Thank you!