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On Living Single, the Crazy Things People Say, and God’s Beautiful Plan

I’m not sure how long ago it was when I first ran across Yvonne’s website. I remember the immediate draw to her real, raw, and humorous doses of encouragement.  She is a single woman, as well as a Relationship and Dating Coach, writing about living single as a Christian. She isn’t afraid of touchy subjects or on calling people out on their choices. Yet she does so in a way that leaves women inspired and challenged.

I am so excited Yvonne is sharing her thoughts on identity here with us for #ChosenandWorthy. Our identity is critical to any relationship we will ever have. Especially when it comes to picking a spouse!

[bctt tweet=”On Living Single, the Crazy Things People Say, and God’s Beautiful Plan! #ChosenandWorthy #livingsingle @ItsYvonneChase” username=”lori_schumaker”]

On Living Single, the Crazy Things People Say, and God's Beautiful Plan by Yvonne Chase #identity #ChosenandWorthy

The Crazy Things People Say

She said; why don’t you have any children?
I said: No disrespect to single mothers but I never wanted that to be my story. 

She said: Why are you single? You should move to Texas. You don’t have much time left to meet someone and have a child. 
I said: If a child is a part of God’s plan for my life, he’s more than capable of facilitating that process. Surely, he knows a husband is required before that happens. 

Throughout the course of my single life, I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of not so nice comments from not so well-meaning people. My life, my being, and my existence have never been defined by or attached to my relationship status. 

[bctt tweet=”You are not defined by your relationship status! #identity #ChosenandWorthy #livingsingle @ItsYvonneChase” username=”lori_schumaker”]
Living Single

I won’t feel like a better woman or like I have arrived at some set apart station in life because I’m married. Even if I never marry, I’m a set apart daughter of the most high God who loves me just as much as any married woman reading this post. He sees me as chosen and completely worthy, no matter my relationship status.

A married woman’s life is not better than a single woman’s life and a single woman’s life is not worse than a married woman’s life. Each life has enough trouble of its own and we ought not to compare.  

If we take heed to the words of Paul in the Message translation of 1 Corinthians 7, he says, Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! Singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me.”

God’s Beautiful Plan

The single life has been good to me. It has given me the best opportunity to know God for myself and to know who I am as a woman of God. While I gave my life to the Lord at the age of 16, my intimate relationship with God didn’t start until March 22, 1996.

I passed out on the NYC subway in January of that year while riding into work with my neighbor. Thank God, she was with me otherwise I would’ve been robbed. Trust me, you do not want to pass out on a crowded NYC subway during rush hour or anytime for that matter by yourself.

When I woke up, I was in the emergency room where after performing a battery of tests and finding nothing, the doctors decided to do one final test; a spinal tap. That test landed me in the hospital for ten days with a headache the size of Brooklyn. My head hurt so bad that I wanted to rip it off and throw it away. But God had a plan!

That was the first time I heard him speak to me from my hospital bed.

California had been on my mind. As a single woman, I had been working all over NYC producing television, attending awards shows, walking red carpets and living it up. Of course, the next step would be the city of lights, camera and lots of TV action, however, I didn’t have the support of my family in NY and I knew I wouldn’t’ have it if I told them I wanted to move 3,000 miles away. That stressed me out completely!

During my ten-day hospital stay, I roomed with an elderly woman who started out as a nuisance then became a friend. One night she gave me the pep talk of life. She said a lot of things to me but I remember this, “You’re young and single with no children and no responsibilities other than yourself. Go to California. Live your life now. What do you have to lose?”

On Living Single, the Crazy Things People Say, and God's Beautiful Plan by Yvonne Chase #identity #ChosenandWorthy

I went to sleep later that night and it was as if the heavens opened and God spoke to me. A bright light shone above my head and I heard that still small voice say, “I am releasing you from this hospital with a clean bill of health and sending you to California.”

Six weeks later, I touched down at LAX airport in Los Angeles, CA. I didn’t know one living soul.

A friend in NY had a friend in Cali who introduced me to their friend who had a two-bedroom apartment and that is where I stayed; in his second bedroom for a few days. In one week, God showed me his faithfulness. I bought a car, landed a job in TV and moved into my first apartment which was gorgeous. From that day, March 22, 1996, me and Jesus have been on an exciting roller coaster ride of a journey.

I lived and worked in the TV business all over California before returning to NY three years later to have knee surgery then a few years later he sent me back to California.  All the while I thought my life in California was about me and my plans and what I wanted to accomplish in TV until I realized it wasn’t. A wise person said to me, you live life forward and you understand it backward.

[bctt tweet=”Often we live life forward and understand it backward … #ChosenandWorthy #identity #livingsingle @itsyvonnechase” username=”lori_schumaker”]

It was only when I left California in 2014 that God said I’d done everything He had asked of me. You’ve completed every assignment no matter how difficult. Now you can leave. Peace washed over me in a surreal way and I knew leaving California was the right thing to do.

I was on a serious assignment of salt and light in a very dark TV industry. I never met a suicidal person until I moved to Los Angeles, CA. He had me on assignment to save lives, be a vessel of truth and offer hope to people who were so hopeless and lost.

As a single woman, I have the freedom to pack a bag and go whenever he says go.

Together, we’ve been to Los Angeles then back to NY then back to Los Angeles. Then to Amsterdam, San Francisco, and back to Los Angeles. Finally, to Atlanta and back to home here in NY. Had I been married, it would’ve been impossible to accomplish all I have in life and for His kingdom.

One of my married girlfriends said to me, “Yvonne, I envy you. You can pack your bags and move anywhere in the world you want whenever you want.” I can.

That’s one of the many blessings of living single. As the Single Woman’s Cheerleader, I want other single women to focus on the blessings of this season. We can do so much for God if we choose to give our lives to him and obey his commands.

Today, my faith in God is SOLID and unshakeable. No one can tell me he doesn’t have my back. We have such an intimate relationship that colors every facet of my life. Will I marry one day? I don’t know. But this journey has prepared me to be a wife of excellence to a strong man of God.

Here’s what I do know for sure, I am ready to continue this ride with Jesus. It is the best ride of my life. He is my Father who loves me unconditionally whether I’m single or married, He is my Friend who sticks closer than a brother and He is my Helper who comes alongside me and holds me up when life gets shaky! With Jesus, I have everything I could ever need. Gospel recording artist Vicki Winans sings, “As long as I have King Jesus, I don’t need nobody else.” I agree!

Yvonne Chase is a single Christian woman who loves Jesus with every part of her being. She is a Dating & Relationship Coach to Singles and Pre-Committed Couples affectionately known as The Single Woman’s Cheerleader. Yvonne wants every single woman to be as fulfilled as she is in her single life. She wants you to live out loud and thrive in this season. Yvonne dishes out a dose of Raw, Real, and Relevant advice at her website found HERE!

Could you use more tools and resources to help you embrace a healthy identity?

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  1. Edna Davidsen says:

    Hi Lori and Yvonne,

    I’ve just read On Living Single, the Crazy Things People Say, and God’s Beautiful Plan.

    It was a delightful end of my blog post reading week.

    It’s so deliberating to read about touchy subjects once in a while, and I’m glad you – and Yvonne – are great at doing that.
    I’m married myself and mother to a beautiful boy.

    As I read this blog post, I came to think of how often well-meaning Christians say sentences to single Christians with the intention of doing good when what they say hurts and confused more than they help.

    I’ve probably also said many of them myself over time.

    I agree with what’s said in the blog post that marriage is not 100% defining a woman’s identity.

    Single Christians are not second-class citizens of God’s Kingdom.

    When Paul says being single is a simpler life, I feel that a general statement.

    What I prefer are situational comments about this topic because it’s so different what we prefer and what adds value to our lives.

    Instead of saying to Christian single’s, in one form or another, you’ll also find a life-partner one day; we do better by accepting and respecting that some people prefer to live just as they do – they do not live a second class life because they single.

    It’s an accurate, and profound, statement “you live life forward, and you understand it backward.”

    Sometimes it’s less obvious what God’s plan for us is, but I find it helpful many times just to trust that God’s plan for me will lead me just where He wants me to be.

    Thanks for a positive and well-written blog post!

    I’ll share on Social Media, Tuesday, September 19.

    Edna Davidsen

    1. Hello Edna,

      Thanks for such a well thought out comment. I like it when you say this; “Singles do not live a second class life” and “Gods plan for me will lead me just where he wants me to be.” Let the church say a loud AMEN! We need to respect the fact that God has an individual plan for each of our lives and support each other in living out that plan.

      God bless you…and thanks in advance for sharing it on Sept. 19th…

  2. Thank you, Edna, for your tremendous thought and insight! I so love and appreciate what you bring to the table in discussion! God tells us He has a plan for our lives, a purpose for our life that is unique, and that one day His work in us will be complete. He doesn’t say this is only so for some. He says it is so for all of us. Not dependent on sex, age, race, relationship status, or anything else. I think it is so important, just like Yvonne wrote, to fully live in each season of life. Take the next right step. Align your thoughts with the truth found in God’s Word. Pray. Listen. And then go forward. Soak in the moments and not miss them because we are too busy looking at (and often whining about) how we “think” it should be.

    I’m so thankful to Yvonne for sharing her story here!

    Blessings and smiles,

    1. Thank you Lori for the opportunity to share my story. I shared it for all the reasons you mentioned; God has a unique purpose and plan for our lives that is not dependent on our relationship status. It is important that we align our thoughts with the truth found in Gods Word otherwise we might believe the lies of the world.

  3. Why haven’t I found you before, Yvonne! This is a gem. I’m single and I’ll definitely be visiting you.
    Thanks, Lori for sharing.

    1. I’m glad to help get you connected to Yvonne, Lux! What a blessing to see how God brings people together!

    2. Hi Lux,

      So nice to meet you. As Lori said, it’s a wonderful blessing to see how God brings people together in his time and in his way. Cheers to using Social Media and blogging for good and to spread the good news of Jesus Christ.

  4. This is for Yvonne Chase…I so needed this!! In fact I am going to screen shot it so that I can go back and read and reread! ❤️

    1. Thank you, Gerri, for your kind words. Yvonne has a powerful message, doesn’t she? What a blessing to have her here to share with us!

  5. I love the articles(blogs or whatever). The messages are great! Just wanted to say that I have lived both (shacking up and having kids and married and having kids). I definitely recommend the 2nd! I am not with either. And I recommend if possible not to divorce. But obviously even that wound up being necessary if going by scripture (Mose asked for it to be allowed and it was. It also says why ( because of ‘hardness of hearts’. Not a good idea for people to live together who can’t get along (arguing, physical, mental, emotional abuse etc.). Not good for them or for any kids they have. And kids should be allowed to love both their parents despite the parents lack of getting along with each other. Even when parents stay together it’s a battle. Kids may try to rule over the parents. Teenagers can be hard to handle. Parents need to recognize that kids are capable of doing right or wrong too. Kids that love their parents, want them to be happy. They want to help and pray and believe for and with the parents. God hates divorce. But He allows it. It wasn’t suposed to be. And kids are not suposed to rule over parents. It says ‘ honor your mother and father’. There is a lot more to this like marrying and leaving your parents etc. I know I don’t know everything and I want God to lead and guide me daily. I believe that God wants families to stay together and to learn how to. Continually. But we have to want to learn.

    1. Hi Jessica,
      Thank you so much for sharing your story. I agree with you, my friend, that God does want families to stay together. Divorce is so difficult on both the couple and the children. And yet, even though it grieves His heart, He does allow divorce in certain situations. My heart goes out to you. I, too, experienced divorce because of an abusive situation. It took me many years to embrace my identity in Christ and to realize that even though I had made some huge mistakes, God still loved me abundantly and He still called me chosen and worthy.

      I am praying for you right now that God comforts you, gives you wisdom, and directs your steps. I pray you are given eyes to see and ears to hear His truth. And I pray that love, grace, forgiveness, and hope permeates every corner of your heart, mind, and soul. And I pray you embrace who you are in Him – a treasured child whom He calls chosen and worthy!