When Grief Wants to Drown Your Soul

My friend, Susan Mead, has recently released the book Dance with Jesus: From Grief to Grace. She gives us a glimpse into her story. A story of the greatest loss any Mama could ever experience. The loss of a son. For many, this kind of grief has the potential to drown your soul and end your story. In her book, Susan asks, “Is the hole in your heart so big that you feel like you have collapsed into it?”

But Susan’s story didn’t end there. Her story is one of moving from grief to grace. It is a story of holding onto Jesus with all her might and experiencing His healing.

One of finding joy, hope, peace and forgiveness.
It’s about dancing.
And it’s about Jesus.

When Grief Wants to Drown Your Soul


Her story reminds me of my own mom.

Her fierceness makes me smile. She speaks truth just as it is – no hiding. She never gives up, loves like crazy, and seeks joy every day of her life. When music drifts through the air, she can’t help but move her feet. And if there is a party or a place to be, the smile and sparkle in her eyes can be seen from far away. She lights up the room.

You wouldn’t know all her past held. You wouldn’t fathom the travesties she has lived. Any spirit would have had every right in the world to have been crushed – flattened by the realities of all that was lost.

And then the deepest wound was inflicted.
She suffered the inexplicable.
What no Mother ever should.

At the precious age of 2, my mom was told her baby boy had leukemia. A little blue-eyed, blond-haired boy, filled with laughter and love was busy being curious about the world around him. Beginning to share with the world all the thoughts inside that curly head of his, he faced with courage the pursuit to beat the disease. But in the late 1960’s, the medical advancements we have today were not available, and 18-months later, he lost his battle and my mother’s world went dark.

It also wasn’t an age where counselors were readily available to walk a family through such storms. It was simply all my family could do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. All of them, a family of 5, aching each in their own way. I hadn’t yet arrived in the world. I would be born a little over a year later, so I can’t personally say what propelled each of them through those days. Each in their own grief can hardly recall them. I believe it was the soul’s way of surviving.

But I know they had Jesus. For each in their own way, He was there in the darkest of places giving hope in the way only He can.

My mom has told me of her initial anger with God. What Mom wouldn’t feel anger of some kind? How could He allow the suffering – the loss?

He took the screams and the anger, knowing that she needed to release it. He grieved deeply, feeling her pain and as His Word says, caught each of her tear buy nolvadex without prescription drops. He remained by her side, waiting and offering hope.

He spoke somewhere into the depths of her soul telling her she would be okay – that they would be okay and that they wouldn’t drown.


It didn’t come quickly. Healing is a unique journey, but she began to surface. She started to search once again for the moments that could make her smile. The ones given as a gift that sometimes show up as a unique “coincidence”. But, as Susan says in her book. “Coincidence is when God keeps a low profile.”

There were visions and dreams that gave her hope and walked her through steps of healing. And though the pain will never be completely gone, and the woman she was will never exist again, she found her new self. She found her fierceness. Her smile. Slowly, she let the armored walls fall from around her heart, and once again, she loved like crazy.

She Loved Like Crazy

Slowly, she let the armored walls fall from around her heart, and once again, she loved like crazy. Click To Tweet
I am so honored to call her Mom.

She modeled for me how to smile through the pain and how to love like each day may be the last.

She taught me how to be fierce and see the blessing in every situation.

She introduced me to Jesus and shared with me the stories in God’s Word.

She taught me that there is a God and though we don’t understand Him or what happens here on earth, our faith sees us beyond this world and into the one that is beautiful, wonderful and pain-free.

She has taught me that a legacy is important.

A legacy of love.
Of strength.
Of hope.

Sadly, grief is a part of life. It will touch each of us at some point. Either in the loss of a loved one or in the event of any type of loss. Loss of life, marriage, work, health, or of our dreams. But if we look at the testimonies of those who have suffered life’s greatest losses without drowning. Those who maybe collapsed into deep dark places, but found their way out, we know there is hope. A hope Jesus makes possible.

Friends, if you are grieving, or you know someone who is, Dance with Jesus by Susan B. Mead, may just be the encouragement you need right now. Her story is of the most tragic of losses, however, her story and her love-filled words will encourage your soul in the midst of any season of grief. You can hop on over to Amazon here to purchase her book. Also, I have one signed copy I’d love to send one of you! All you have to do is leave a comment below anytime from August 10-16 to be entered in the drawing!


My heart is with you in your grief and I will lift you in prayer – that you will not drown. But instead, you will swim and once again find your fierceness. That you will find your smile and your joy. And that you will, once again, love like crazy.

I regularly link up with these encouraging sites.

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  1. Psalm 56:8 – one of my favorite scriptures! Sometimes we forget that grief is important–we need to experience it fully in order to heal. Receiving God’s grace throughout the process is is what brings the most deep healing.

    1. Angela, Yes! Receiving that grace is so important. It’s the grace that allows us to make mistakes, have anger, and have bad days without allowing guilt to creep in and make it worse. Thank you so much for stopping by!
      Blessings and smiles,

  2. karrileea says:

    What a testimony! I love Susan and this is such a great review! So thankful that we are neighbors over at Laura’s place today!

    1. She is awesome, isn’t she!! Thanks so much for stopping by!
      Blessings and smiles,

  3. thank you for sharing your gift of encouragement and truth…there is hope!

    1. Hi Robin, I am so thankful for that hope and thankful for sweet friends like you!!! Thanks so much for stopping by!!!
      Blessings and smiles,

  4. This book is popping up all over my computer today! 🙂 You mentioned that grief comes in so many different ways and that’s something that I think has been a hidden truth. We can be indifferent when it comes not realizing that it needs to be dealt with. I didn’t recognize it’s power when trying to deal with our daughter’s diagnosis and it was crippling. Thankfully, the Lord intervened and met me in that place, leading me out. It wasn’t easy… this book would have been a huge help at that time but I am confident I could still learn from it’s depth.

    Thanks for sharing. I am so sorry your momma had to endure the loss.
    Bless you,

    1. Hi Dawn,
      I have a little one with speciall needs and each turn of the way we have dealt with loss. It was grief and it took me awhile to let myself acknowledge it. In a few weeks I am planning to write a post about the grief parents experience when their children are diagnosed with long term or life long disabling diseases. I am so thankful the Lord met you in that place. He is good and meets us in whatever pit we find ourselves in! I don’t know how people do it without Him!
      Blessings and smiles,

  5. Elvia Blake says:

    Thank you, my niece and I so needed to hear these words.

    1. Hi Elvia,
      I am so thankful you were blessed and that God used them to comfort you!
      Blessings and smiles,

  6. Dropping in from Coffee for you heart. What a beautiful testimony. I love what you had to say about coincidences being God keeping a low profile. Those words really spoke to me about his character and the way He is. He is quite capable of being bold and loud and mighty and sometimes He is but often we find Him in the quiet. He has us seek Him and there it is that we find Him. Thank you for the beautiful reminder.

    1. Hi Jen, Thank you for stopping by! Yes, I loved that saying when I read it in Susan’s book, too! You are so right. He is so capable of the bold and mighty, but I think He wants us to slow down and take notice of Him. Maybe if He were always loud to match the loudness of our world, we would take Him for granted. Thank you so much for stopping by!!
      Blessings and smiles,

  7. Aw. She’s a wonderful and admirable woman. I hope there’s more like her.

    1. Hi Lux,
      I SO agree! She is pretty amazing!
      Blessings and smiles,

  8. Wow, I love that story. “He took the screams and the anger, knowing she needed to release it.” Don’t we serve an amazing God? He is so patient when we don’t understand a thing. I’ve screamed out several times, wondering where God was or what His plans were, and He always answered in time. I am so thankful your mom experienced healing. What a testimony. Thanks for sharing!!

    1. Hi Alison,
      Thank you so much for your kind words and for stopping by! I’m so thankful you were blessed!
      Blessings and smiles,

  9. I have heard Susan’s testimony and it is amazing. Reading about your family brought me to tears just thinking about all the advancements we now have that so many needed in the past and it wasn’t there. Thank you for linking up with Thankful Thursdays.

    1. Hi Lori,
      My mom deeply grieves the fact that today her son would most likely have lived. But today she celebrates all those who do make it and always contributes to finding those advances. Thank you so much for stopping by and for hosting #ThankfulThursdays each week!
      Blessings and smiles,

    1. Hi Shandra,
      Thank you so much!
      Blessings and smiles,

    1. Hi Jenny,
      Thank you so much!
      Blessings and smiles,

  10. Kathleen Louise Burnett says:

    Thanks so much for the book review and for sharing your mother’s story of grief to grace. We don’t understand it all, but that is a part of our journey of faith and growing closer to our God.

    1. Thank you, Kathleen. I am so thankful you found truth here!
      Blessings and smiles,

  11. Ola Bunch says:

    My joy, my pride, my son, passed away at the age of 20. My eyes still tear up at the pain. The pain is always there. It has been 13 years since he has passed. I finally let him go to God 2yrs ago this Easter. I did it for both of us. So he can be at peace and so I can live. I have suffered other losses in my life; but this one is the one that cut me the deepest. One of the lessons I have learnt from this was the price God paid to make is son a sacrifice for us. It is the ultimate sacrifice and I would not have made. The love God has for us is truly amazing. I now smile at memories of him, his goofy grin and his charm. I know he is heaven with others that I love and can hardly wait to see him and them. This grief has been a long journey and one full of love. I am living my life and letting God write in the pages of it. I pray that others read this and find the peace and comfort that I have and to let them know that they are not alone. Even if at times it feels like it. God, Christ , his Holy Spirit are with us always. After my son passed, I did a lot of foolish things that could have gotten me hurt or worse. It was later that I realized that God was with me and protecting me. God bless you and your mother and know that your blog is helping others going through their trails and whatever situation that they are going though.

    1. Oh, Ola, my heart aches so deeply for you. I grew up seeing that pain in my mother’s eyes and watching her tears fall over and over again. I cannot say I can even grasp the depth of your pain because I cannot even fathom a deeper loss than that of a child. But I can tell you my mom found joy again. Lots of joy. Just like you, the tears will fall down her face now even at the mention of his name, but she has found joy. She will never forget. That hole in her heart will never be replaced. But she has found joy and lived a full and love-filled life. And it sounds like you are on the journey to that place, too. Please know, I will be praying for you. Praying that you find that fullness of joy and of peace. I treasure your words and am so thankful for your encouragement. It is my prayer that I am obedient with the words God gives me so that He can bless, encourage, and give hope to the hurting. Your words are an affirmation of that. Thank you so very much.