On Loss, Grief, and What God Can Do

When there is loss, there is grief. We often think grief is associated uniquely with death; however, it is an emotional reaction or process we go through upon any major loss such as

standard of life

Once upon a time, I was a young woman who grieved deeply and had a big hole in her heart that I longed to fill. But you see, I didn’t know my Jesus well enough to know He called me wonderful. I didn’t know I was worthy of finding a husband with whom I could be equally yoked. I thought I had to save someone. In my thinking, I had to prove my worth and that belief set me on a path to accepting mistreatment at the hands of those who professed to love me. I made poor choices and it caused me great loss and enormous amounts of grief.

But one day, God changed all that. He walked me through my loss and through my grief.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. –Psalm 40:2 NLT

And then it happened. In walked a young man who had his life together. Strong. Independent. Hard-working. Honest.  One who didn’t need me. One who simply honored what he saw in me … the God he saw in me.

And 16 years ago last week, he married me.

Through marriage God grows our wisdom, our patience, our faith, and our love. Moments of Hope - Lori Schumaker - When Loss Turns Into Moments of Hope
The flowers in the background of this image are from the sweet bouquet my guy surprised me with on our special day!

As in any marriage, it hasn’t been perfect. We have had struggles and trials. Times where being nice was chosen – not felt.

We haven’t always done it right. God has shaken His head on plenty of occasions.

But through it all, God has never left our side. He has guided us individually and as a couple. He has grown us. We grew our wisdom and our patience. We grew our faith.

And grew our love.

He has made us better people. People who try our best to seek Him first in life.

This year we didn’t celebrate with a romantic night out. Instead, we celebrated by watching our boys play a weekend of basketball. You know what though? I wouldn’t even change it! Because those parts of our reality are what has made me fall more in love with him now than ever before.

As we step into each chapter of life and together we get to participate in this amazing story God is building with and through us, I am blown away. I get to see the boy who has become a strong and supportive Father. A man who rushes from one end of town to the other so he doesn’t miss his son’s game. He’s a man who finds it within the depths of his character to speak a strong word when necessary, an encouraging one when confidence has been struck, or a lighthearted one when the mood needs lifting.

And that’s my Moment of Hope this week. The 16 years this man and I have spent together living life in the mountains and the valleys. Laughing, where can i order nolvadex crying … and yes, even the yelling at times 😉

16 years I wouldn’t change for anything!

My dear blogging friend, Marva Smith from Sun Sparkle Shine shares hope. You see, she started her blog to bring beauty from the ashes of the loss of her father. Her grief was big and her heart aching. But she knew that if she allowed God the room to work within her grief, He could bring beauty from it. And so, she stepped into her gifting and began writing and blessing others through sharing joy and hope.

Last week marked the one year anniversary of the passing of her father and she wrote this post. I cannot even tell you how much I wanted to jump through this screen and hug her. Not only to comfort her, but to tell her that I just KNOW that her daddy would be so proud of what she has done amid her grief. Would you stop by her place today and love on her? I know you’ll get a great big dash of hope while you are there!


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  1. Lori, This just blessed my heart this morning! Congratulations on 16 years and on growing love. Love and big blessings to you both!

  2. Absolutely beautiful, Lori! I love your story of God’s grace and redemption. I loved your statement, “Times where being nice was chosen – not felt.” Marriage is all about choosing, isn’t it? Choosing to love, choosing to be kind, choosing what’s right and not who’s right. Thank you for your encouraging words. Happy Anniversary!

    1. Hi Alisa,
      Most definitely! If we go with how we “feel”, the relationship more than likely implodes or explodes. When we have self restraint and we choose kindness, God honors that and so often redeems the situation! Thanks so much for visiting! I’m so glad you got your site fixed!!!!

  3. Thank you for allowing bloggers, like me, to link-up with you. I came across your blog last night and I really enjoy your message of hope. 🙂

    1. Welcome, Samantha! I love meeting new bloggers and I love encouraging others to share the message of the hope of Jesus!!! I look forward to getting to know you better!
      Blessings and smiles,

  4. Loved this post today Lori! There are so many different seasons in marriage. It’s important and even vital to celebrate the growth we see in each other individually and as a couple. “Romance” can be defined in narrow minded ways. It’s inspiring that you were able to see past that. Congratulations on your anniversary!

    1. Angela,
      Thank you so much! Maybe someday we will once again have the opportunities for romantic dinners, quiet nights, and long conversations 🙂 Right now, though … it’s fast food, lots of cheering, and conversing on the flash! All of which we will someday smile about when life calms down again!

  5. Lori, you bless me so! First of all, Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby! 16 years of marriage is nothing short of amazing and it is truly to God’s glory! Secondly, I am so moved by your kind words about my post about healing and loss. Isn’t it amazing how God uses both the good and the bad to show himself faithful? He is good all the time!
    Wishing you many more #momentsofhope!

    1. Marva,
      Friend, you also bless me!!! Thank you so much! And thank you for allowing all of us the opportunity to see God work in the midst of grief as you share your story and your beautiful words of encouragement at sunSPARKLEshine!

      Love ya!!!!

  6. Happy 16th Anniversary, Lori! It sounds like you had a wonderful weekend at ball fields. 🙂 It’s amazing where we find ourselves, places we couldn’t have imagined when we first said, “I do,” but places that are gloriously and uniquely our own family spots. Blessings to you on the next 16 years!

    1. Thanks so much, Lisa! So true … 16 years ago, I never would have dreamed that hours and hours on basketball courts would be where we would have our “dates”! 😉

  7. Thanks for being candid about your marriage, and honest how it can be tough somedays, but worth it. Also – congrats on your 16th anniversary!

    1. Hi Sarah Jean,
      So definitely worth it! Tough … yes. Worth it … even more so!! Thank you so much for visiting!!

  8. Happy Anniversary! Beautiful tribute to a sweet relationship and a great gift from God.

  9. Happy anniversary, Lori! I love how God turned your grief into joy. I also love the flowers your husband gave you … lilies are my favorite! 🙂

    1. Thanks, Lois! The lilies were in my wedding bouquet! Always a favorite of mine, too 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by!!!!
      Blessings and smiles,

  10. Happy 16th Anniversary!!! In today’s world, this is a huge testimony to the grace and forgiveness required in becoming and remaining one. And kudos for how you spent your time celebrating…with the fruit of all of your mountains and valleys! Prayers for many more years of celebrating and a ton more messages of hope to share together my friend! Hugs, Crystal~

    1. Thank you, Crystal! Your words bless me tremendously!


  11. Hello Lori,

    Really a great post indeed.

    First of all happy 16th anniversary. God is an ultimate matchmaker. A successful marriage is part of his plan for your union.

    ~Dr. Diana Hardy

    1. Thank you so very much, Dr. Diana! I receive that word for our marriage!!

      Blessings and smiles,

  12. So many great words shared here. Happy Anniversary. May you be blessed for many more God-filled years.