Waiting demands hope.
I do not believe one can truly exist without the other.
Whether it is the accomplishment of a lifelong goal or for the chocolate-dipped ice cream cone from DQ, I waited for the prize with hope in my heart (or my taste buds!).
I think waiting is the way in which God refines my ability to maintain hope. And since I’ve spent the larger part of seven years in a significant season of waiting, I’ve had plenty of time to break it down. What I found are two very different types of hope. Related and both a part of day-to-day life, but still very different.
I call them God-Sized hope and cautious hope.
Cautious hope speaks of desired outcomes, whereas God-sized hope is unique, eternal and never circumstantial. It is not dependent upon events or outcomes. It is a guarantee.
You may already know this about our family, but in case you don’t, our daughter is a sick little girl. Her list of diagnoses is overwhelming. From her eyes to her spine, to her heart, to her mind, she is afflicted. On Saturday, April 9, 2011, we arrived on U.S. soil with our daughter whom we had been told had only a speech delay and a heart murmur.
On Monday, April 11, I was waiting at the doorstep of our pediatrician’s office. That morning marked the beginning of a journey to uncovering a multitude of illnesses in our little one.
It began the journey to physical, mental, and emotional healing.
Some of her diagnoses are typical and we have thankfully been placed on a treatment plan and the issue solved or monitored. However, much of her diagnoses are either rare or relatively unresearched. Those diagnoses entail what I call trial and error treatment plans. Sadly, there is a lot of trial and error. With each newly presented treatment plan, decisions must be made. Is it a plan we can carry out? Has potential? Is worth more time, effort, and money? More often than not, we decide to try the plan. After all, how could we, with good conscience live wondering if the one treatment we maybe didn’t try was the answer? So we trudge on.
In the beginning, I held onto the hope was given to me by doctors in the shape of prescriptions, plans, and therapies. The darkness would lift and I would feel the hope that just around the corner, our sweet treasure might be healed. But the corner arrived as a dead-end and with that dead-end, my hope would plummet and fall.
I didn’t know where to find balance along the pendulum of hope and acceptance.
There was wrestling with God.
There was anger. Often.
I cried. A lot.
I didn’t want to hear what He had to say. It was my desire for my daughter to be healed the way I envisioned healing. The stress that was wreaking havoc on our family needed to go away.
I wanted easy. Simple. Wrapped up nicely in a bow.
Healed.
God is good.
Amen.
But He had a different plan. His plan was not about my desired outcome.
It was about a hope that says, ”I trust your sovereignty, Lord, and I know that whatever comes, you will walk through it with me and we will be okay.”
That’s a God-sized hope.
My daughter is making some progress. One of the treatment plans we are currently in the midst of is called IVIG (intravenous immunoglobulin). She receives the transfusions two days in a row each month. She just completed her 14th treatment. We have witnessed some progress, but it appears this treatment is long term. When she goes longer than one month, her immunity system begins to fail again. Therefore, we continue waiting, hoping, and believing.
We are cautiously hopeful.
Cautiously hopeful that she will be free from the PANDAS symptoms that relentlessly plague her. (You can read about symptoms here.) It is a lot of big stuff.
But cautious hope takes in the reality that someday she may not live independently or care for herself. She may carry these painful symptoms throughout life on this side of the cross. It’s not a thought I bear easily. I want my baby girl living free and I want a reprieve from the storm our family faces. However, cautious hope isn’t big enough, strong enough, or unique enough to cover that storm.
But then there’s God.
God's hope gets me through the storm and to the other side of the cross. #hope #godsized Click To Tweet
It is a net of hope that makes all the difference. With it, I can walk through the storm knowing that if I fall I will be saved.
Knowing I will be saved abounds my capacity to endure patiently.
And when I endure patiently all darkness is conquered.
“May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.” -2 Thessalonians 3:5, NLT
It’s a battle that mandates I pick up my armor daily.
When I don’t, I feel it. The joy seeps out. The worry, anger, and disappointment seep in. I suffer and the enemy cheers.
So I hold onto it. That God-sized hope. It’s always there, but in order to conquer the darkness and endure patiently, I have to make intentional choices to:
Find it – Look for it in His Word and in the testimonies of others.
Focus on it – Keep my eyes and ears tuned sharply into that hope; Don’t be distracted by the lies whispered by the enemy or the distraction of things that didn’t go my way.
Feel it – Breathe it in deeply repeating hopeful phrases and scripture on the inside and outside. Speak the spirit of hope over my life. Speak in terms of victory and not defeat.
I know that I am not in your life situation right now. Even if I knew the details, I couldn’t fully understand your journey because it’s yours and I haven’t walked it.
But I can tell you this.
My heart is with you. I understand the painful wait. I understand being frustrated with God and the world around me. And I can tell you something even more important. God does understand. He feels your pain and He knows your ache.
The Lord knows how hard you are trying to patiently endure and He understands why you are frustrated with Him. Click To Tweet
He is aching for you.
Although I don’t have the answers as to why it is as it is, I do know that He has a whole lot of hope He desperately wants to pour into you as He takes your hand and walks you through this storm.
I can say I know that not just because someone else told me. Or even because the Bible tells me so! It is because when I had lost worldly hope, He reached down, saved me, and filled me with His God-sized hope.
“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” -1 Peter 3:15, NIV
You can download and print a free pdf version of this chart from the Library of Hope. Simply subscribe below and you will receive a password to access this page.
Catch the entire God-Sized Series!
Week 1 – Filling the God-Sized Hole in My Heart
In Week 2 – A God-Sized Hope to Conquer the Storm
For Week 3 – What I Wish My Younger Self Knew About God-Sized Approval
Finally, in Week 4 – Surrendering It All for a God-Sized Restoration
Before you go… Could you use some real HOPE today??
I’ve created the 5-Day Hope Toolkit: Claiming the Victory of a Hope-filled Life just for you! I’ve designed it so that it breaks these 5 strategies down into manageable pieces.
In it, you will receive a 5-day series of Scripture prayers giving you a solid foundation in how to pray God’s Will through praying His Word. You will also receive:
- A checklist to determine whether you have a hopeful or hopeless attitude.
- A beautiful printable image with positive “I am ….” statements of truth.
- A list of my go-to books, blogs, and websites when I am in need of encouragement.
To get to your 5-Day Hope Toolkit, it’s easy! Just fill in the form below!
Lori- You are an amazingly inspirational and eloquent writer. You state so perfectly the emotions of many. Sometimes we can’t get past the “why?” of things that happen in our lives. But we have to remember that he will always “reach down, save us, and fill us with his God’s sized hope.” Thank you for your reminders. You are a blessing. 🙂
Hi sweet Laura, Thank you SO much for your kind words! Coming from one of the most encouraging and inspirational people I have had the opportunity to know in life, I am humbled. Thank you! God is so good, even when life makes no sense at all. I know that often we see the why’s of events years later. Time often gives us that opportunity. However, there are some why’s that I know will never be answered on this side of the Cross. But somehow, in the midst of those unanswered why’s, He still finds that way to reach down with that hope!
Thank you for reading, being encouraged, and for encouraging!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Lori, I am next to you at the Reflect Link-up and have really appreciated your words and wisdom regarding hope and waiting. I love how going back to the Scripture and focusing on His word can renew our hope as our minds are renewed to His truth. I am in a place of waiting now and just this morning I wrote out some scriptures applicable to our situation and feel a sense of renewed hope as I am persuaded that we are right where we are supposed to be and God’s hand is upon us leading and guiding us and He is in control! I have been blessed by my visit here today, thank you for your beautiful sharing.
Hi Jeannie, Thank you for stopping in!I am so thankful you were blessed by this post. God is so good! I will pray that you hold in your heart the scriptures you wrote out so that you can play them over and over in your mind when the situation feels to big, or too difficult!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Lori, I’m your neighbor at #GiveMeGrace. How my mama heart goes out to you and your precious daughter. I have a son with muscular dystrophy and another son who has it mildly. I have on a small scale experienced what you mention here: “But the corner arrived as a dead end and with that dead end, my hope would plummet and fall.” But I, too, know that my hope is in God. Whatever my sons and our family have to go throught, God will be right there with us and He does bring joy in the midst of the struggles. We don’t understand His ways, but we know He is good and faithful and deserves our trust and our praise. Thank you so much for your reminder of the hope that is only found in Him.
Hi Gayl,
It is so nice to meet you! I’m so thankful you stopped by and commented here sharing a piece of your story. Knowing that another Mama who has walked some of these same roads felt encouraged by this post, is such a beautiful affirmation for me. Thank you! I will keep you in my heart and prayers for that hope to keep burning bright as you love those two precious sons of yours! I look forward to connecting in the future. I am heading to your blog now 🙂
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
I’m glad your daughter has made some progress and that in the midst of this huge trial, you are still able to hold on to God’s hope. I am praying for you and your family.
Thanks so much, Melanie! I treasure your prayers!
God is greater than ANY situation – His hope is an anchor that we can hang on to
Amen! He truly is! Thanks so much for stopping by!
Praise God, we can hold on to Him during the worst of life’s storms! He is an amazing Father, one that can relate to all our struggles – He’s even watched as His Son suffered. Very humbling. Praying for your daughter, and you too, mama!
Thank you so much, Angie! I truly appreciate your prayers! Isn’t it good He is our liferaft? Our net to catch us when we fall? Thanks for stopping by!!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
God gives us trials all and it’s up to us to respond by seeking Him and having faith. Thank you for sharing your story! It was very inspirational 🙂
Jolleen, Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
You write beautifully. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart.
Roxanne, Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! I pray God uses my words for His glory! I’m so glad you stopped by!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
So sorry about your little one. It a difficult trial you are undergoing. Continue to seek Him. Lean on Him. He will carry you through.
Mary, Thanks so much for visiting and for your kind words! I am leanin’ and believing He will carry us through to victory 🙂
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
What a lovely way to share your hope with all of us. I’m so sorry that this is the challenge you and your family must face, but to see how you are grasping onto Him with all you’ve got is also so amazing – that is the faith that so many long for.
Prayers for you and your family.
Marissa
Marissa,
Thank you so much for your kind words, encouragement, and prayer! I always say I do not know why we must go through the struggles we do, but I do know that when we do, we are given a gift to bless the lives of others. If our story can give even just one person hope or encouragement, I am humbled and thankful! Thank you again!!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Wow – your words really brought captivated me. I LOVE WHAT YOU SAID about hope. LOVE it! That is so true! We are too believing for a miracle and why it’s different then what you are going to it’s because of Hope in HIM! Knowing that He desires miracles. He does them every day!
Thanks for sharing about your daughter – I wasn’t aware. Blessing to you!
Caroline,
Thank you so very much, sweet friend, for your kind words! I am praying He uses my words to encourage others and give His hope. I will be praying for your miracle as well! I’m so glad you stopped by to visit!!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
It’s exhausting with someone that battles chronic illnesses – but thank you for using your trials to encourage others and give them hope!
Marie, My prayer is always that God uses my words to encourage, love, and give hope to others. I’m thankful you felt that here! Thank you for your kindness and for visiting!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
I am blessed by the hope that you have in Jesus! Your love for her and your anchor in God and His word is a blessing to me and to many others!
Hi Jann, Thank you for your kind words and for your visit! I am humbled God has used the words on my heart to bless you this week. My prayer is that I can use what He has given me in experience and passion to point others to His love, hope, and encouragement. So, I thank you for that affirmation that was of perfect timing in this overwhelmed Mama’s heart!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
YES, hope is literally like our breath many times. closer than we even know
Christine, I love that! You are so right!!! Thanks for stopping by!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
What an incredibly beautiful, inspiring and encouraging post this is, Lori! I feel like the struggles of my life are so small in comparison — but what a beautiful thing that is to know, that if you are able to find hope in the midst of this season, then surely it is there for all of us. Thank you for sharing this!
Ronja, Thank you for your sweet sweet words of encouragement! I am so thankful that through Him, no matter what our situation, we are able to find peace and be filled with an eternal, God-Sized hope! Thank you so much for stopping by! Have a wonderful day!
Blessingsa and smiles,
Lori
Lori, I have been there on an 11 year stand for a crippled marriage. God did come through but you are so right — the miracle doesn’t always look like or arrive in the way we imagined. Now, I am believing for some other mountains to be moved. Interesting, that God’s “suddenlies” are real but they sure can take a while to get here! After years of waiting, praying, believing it “suddenly” happens!
Praying along with you for your little girl and the siege to end with a big, fat miracle healing! Today, I get out my scriptures again. You’ve inspired me. I know what to do but sometimes I get lazy. Time to blow the dust off and work ’em! Much love ♥
Sinea, Thank you so much for your prayers and for sharing a bit of your story as well! You can count on my prayers as well to move those mountains in your life! -For those “suddenlies” to happen soon:-) I am so thankful God used my writing to inspire you to dust off those scriptures. There is so much power in holding His Word deep in our hearts.
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Such an inspiring story. Yes, God’s hope is not circumstantial. Love that you point out how we can experience it: find it, focus on it, feel it. Visiting from #coffeeforyourheart.
Kristen,
Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words!!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Oh, friend, I’m joining all these voice in prayer for your sweet girl and for continued God-sized hope! Bless you as you hope and wait and trust. xoxo
Laura,
I so appreciate your love and treasured prayers. I am still believing in a miracle for our little one and I know that the prayers of many will get us there! Thank you for being you!!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
(Teary eyed) This is such a beautiful and touching post. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and for this awesome reminder to trust God.
Hi Chari,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so glad your heart was touched with the reminder to trust in Him – even in the storm! 🙂
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Keep your hope in your heart. God has a beautiful plan for all of us.
Lori, As usual, your words are a healing balm and encouragement to my heart. The way you handle your challenges with the promises of God is a HUGE testimony to me and to so many! Thank you for your candid and heartfelt sharing of your trials and emotions that in such a unique way help dignify other’s similar feelings; and thanks, too, for the precious reminder that Hope in HIM will get us through the storm. I am continuing to pray for S and you and your family. HE is our Hope!
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith who for the joy set before Him endured the cross….Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you do not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3
Love you!!
Leanne, If I could only begin to explain how much your thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and love mean to me! All I can do is say, thank you, but it somehow seems insufficient! I, too, am praying for J and your family. And … Amen. Amen. and Amen on the scripture. Fixing my eyes, not growing weary, and not losing heart, and claiming His promises!
Love you back, my dear friend,
Lori
I could feel the hope flowing out of you and it was tangible. What a beautiful testimony of grace you are sharing and of honest reflection on the storms you have and are weathering. Mothering a sick child is heart breaking and beautiful all at the same time, isn’t it. Our oldest has a chronic illness that has governed most of our lives and while I hate the disease, I wouldn’t know my God as I do if we hadn’t gone through that trial. Now how does that make sense, right? Outside of His grace it doesn’t…yet because of His grace and His continued love we can see through the temporal to the eternal.
Thanks for sharing hope!
Blessings,
Dawn
Dawn, Thank you so much! You said it perfectly. Hating the disease but knowing that I wouldn’t know my God as I do if we were not living with it. Annd it doesn’t make sense, therefore what would we do without His grace and our hope in Him? I’m so thankful you stopped by!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
waiting is the way in which God refines my ability to maintain hope. Never quite seen it that way before but I agree. Waiting does build our desire to hope which means it’s extremely important we hope for the mind of God in all we hope for. I remember a single gal we served with overseas and she was very interested in a young man, her thinking he was as serious as her..turned out he was not. Her hope was on the young man…it almost destroyed her. So the scriptures that states, hope deferred makes the heart sick runs true. I’ve been there when what I was hoping for was not sin but it did not line up with God’s plan for me. Great post.
Betty, Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words. I’m thankful God used this post to speak to you. It is so difficult to accept that our desires we see as right and good may not come to pass. But faith that it will all be okay somehow, someway, makes all the difference.
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
”I trust your sovereignty, Lord, and I know that whatever comes, you will walk through it with me and we will be okay.” I LOVE this! It is a beautiful reminder God walks through every situation with us while holding our hand. Thank you for sharing with Thankful Thursdays.
Lori, Thank you! You know how much I love Thankful Thursdays and you! I’m so glad God used my post to point to Him and give you that reminder 🙂
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Wow, Lori! That’s all I can say! Thank you for so beautifully sharing what it means and how it feels to have God-sized hope. I was so encouraged by this. Blessings to you and your precious family.
Lori- I understand waiting…it’s not fun and it’s downright frustrating and uncomfortable. The harder it is, the more impatient I am.
I love your tips to find it, focus on it and feel it! So helpful!
I pray your daughter would find answers and through this journey that she discovers God’s unwavering presence and faithfulness to keep her in His grasp!
You bring so much hope to us!
Wow Lori! Lots of comments on this post because you’ve hit the heart and need of many! Patiently enduring …man those words just sound hard, right? But to live through them as you have and to hold onto Jesus as your net when your emotions crumble…you are a living testimony of hope! Thank you for inspiring me to hold onto God’s hope even when it’s hard! Love you!
Hi Lori,
When I first started reading your blogs your heart and words you write it has touched me so much about God’s Word. Last year found out my older son was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer, he has started chemo this week. Lori you are an inspiration to me because I have put my hope in God also.
I will keep your daughter and your family in my prayers also.
Elia,
I am praying for you and your son. May God keep your heart filled with peace through this journey and strength to keep fighting. I am so thankful your hope is in Jesus. There is no hope greater. Thank you so much for your kindness and prayers, my friend.
Hugs,
Lori
This is beautiful Lori. It will touch so many. Praying for you each morning my friend:)
AMEN. Wow, and a God sized infinite hope never disappoints. Hope in myself always disappoints, but hope in Him and His promises and His love for us never does. I’m so thankful you are using such a hard story to show the beauty of God’s perfect plan for His children in Christ Jesus. <3 Thankful for your sweet precious honesty Lori.
Wise and beautiful words. It is so good to look up to your huge hope. My heart is with you. I am so glad my God is bigger, bigger, Bigger!
I will keep everyone posted your daughter in prayer.