Why Kindness in the Bible Comes From Surrendering, Not Trying Harder
Kindness in the Bible, the type that comes naturally from the overflow of a relationship with Jesus, is found in surrendering rather than striving. But you may wonder what this ‘surrender’ means and how you change a hardened heart.
In this sixth post of our series exploring the 9 fruits of the Holy Spirit, guest writer Twyla Franz invites us to stop exhausting ourselves with kindness-by-effort. While running alongside the water’s edge, she discovered what many of us miss: Christlike kindness flows naturally when we stay close to its Source.
Twyla’s honest reflections about forgiveness, love for difficult people, and our tendency toward self-reliance will resonate with anyone who’s felt the gap between Biblical kindness and their lived reality. Through scripture and personal experience, she reminds us that intimacy with Jesus transforms our kindness from an overwhelming to-do list into a natural expression of Christ’s love. Her words will offer you both challenge and relief: stop striving, draw near to the Lord, and watch how true kindness follows.
What the Ocean’s Shoreline Taught Me About the Ways of Jesus
Run the lapping edge of water, and you realize how this dance resembles life with Christ. Your steps adapt to the rhythms of the ocean just as faith is ultimately about falling in sync with Jesus. Rather than fight the wildness of the water, we move with it, staying as close as we dare.
Closeness. That’s the key to a life that displays the Spirit-fruit Jesus both taught and modeled.
Kindness in the Bible Feels Out of Reach
Like most fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), kindness in the Bible feels like a mile-high standard—unattainable when you chalk it up to self-effort. Stack up all your best intentions and purest motivations, and you still can’t touch the Golden Rule: “Think of the kindness you wish others would show you; do the same for them” (Luke 6:31 The Voice). Our kindness is wobbly and inconsistent, tainted with impatience, pride, and the guilt of missed opportunities. We second-guess and withhold, try to be kind, and are misunderstood, let busyness get the best of us.
Forgiveness, another aspect of Biblical kindness, sounds nice until it’s on our court; then we get bristly and think fast of all the reasons to wiggle out of it. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:23 NIV) we read, maybe even memorize. But the honest truth is that we, those whom Christ has freely and fully forgiven, are often lousy forgivers.
Kindness in the Bible also means grace for those who have belittled us, bullied us, bothered us, or blamed us. It’s intentional goodwill towards those who are all about themselves, those who haven’t asked for forgiveness (and certainly not apologized), those who have no intentions of changing their ways:
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and evil.
–Luke 6:35 NIV
If you fall short of this tall ask, you’re in good company. Kindness in the Bible isn’t easy to emulate. In fact, consistent Christlike kindness is simply not possible on human effort alone.
Intimacy with Christ: The Key to Kindness
The ocean reminds me that my smallness, insufficiency, and inherent selfishness can never stop God from being God. He is who He is, no matter what I miss or mess up in my efforts to reflect His kindness. He is overwhelmingly good, infinitely kind, wildly powerful, and breathtakingly beautiful.
As I discovered, the most effortless way to run on the beach is to stay close to the water, where the sand is most packed. Likewise, if I want my character shaped by kindness in the Bible, I have to tuck in tight to the Word Himself (John 1:1). The closer I stick with Him, the more I resemble Him.
Kindness is fruit. It’s the overflow of intimacy with Christ. The unstoppable evidence of Christ inside me.
Jesus reminds us to stay closely connected to Him.
Abide in Me, and I will abide in you. A branch cannot bear fruit if it is disconnected from the vine, and neither will you if you are not connected to Me.
–John 15:4 The Voice
I, too, need all the reminders because I’ve tried to recreate the effects of proximity to Jesus on my own. But truthfully, all our most neighborly efforts can’t compare to the kindness that softens Jesus’ eyes and seeps into His speech. The kind of kindness that can melt a stubborn heart and redeem the most far-gone story. This, we can only learn from Him.
Spirit-Led Solutions: Unlocking Kindness in the Bible
When running along the ocean, you’ve got to pay more attention to the rush and the rhythms, the swell, and the crash–especially at high tide. As the water moves, you move with it. You pace your run around the contours of the shore and where the water rises, and you lean into all five of your senses.
Through your shoes, you feel the density of the sand, indicating when you need to move closer to the water. You’re extra aware of your breath as you inhale the salty air. The taste lingers on your tongue. In your peripheral vision, you track the movement of the ocean so you can run a tight parallel. Your ears tune into the signals because even water speaks.
Similarly, a thriving, Christ-reflecting faith life is one that is awed by and acutely aware of Jesus. The key to walking in Biblical kindness is intimacy: a relationship developed only through time, trust, and proximity.
One Way You Can Develop This Intimacy Is by Engaging the Senses
To build connection, I include multiple senses in my morning time with Jesus. Use these techniques as a starting point in your time with the Lord.
- Worship music (often a single song on repeat) engages my ears.
- Kneeling while I listen, linger, and pray engages my sense of touch. I also prefer to read a paper copy of the Bible with a pen and journal nearby.
- Burning a candle engages my sense of smell. It slows me down and helps me savor my time with Jesus.
Did you know reading the Bible not only engages our eyes—literally fixing our gaze on the Word (Jesus)—but it’s also figuratively like eating something sweet?
Your words are sweet to my taste! Yes, they are sweeter than honey in my mouth!
Psalm 119:103 The Voice
If you want to grow fruit of the Spirit, like kindness, in your life, surrender to Jesus. Stay close to Him and approach Him in awe and adoration. Treasure your time with Him. When you can’t stay away from Jesus, kindness is no longer an unrealistic ideal but a natural overflow of your time with Him.
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Meet the Author
Twyla Franz is a relentless believer in direction over pace, and a proponent of ripple-effect living. A blueberry tea drinker, sourdough bread baker, minimalist wanna-be, chalk painter, mom of three, and wife to her first and forever. She plays worship songs loud and on repeat. Twyla numbers her thanks to remember that gratitude is a before, not an after.
As an advocate for missional neighboring, Twyla now shares her unfolding journey of opening her heart, home, and life to her neighbors. She encourages weekly through her blog, podcast, and gratitude guest blog series. Twyla is also a speaker for virtual summits, a frequent guest on podcasts, and an enthusiastic book launch team member. Her words appear in (in)courage, Relevant, Her View From Home, The Grit and Grace Project, and Truly Co., among many others.
Grab Twylas’s free resource, four beautiful lists for each Enneagram number, available both as printables and phone wallpaper, to discover:
- your Enneagram number
- what other people love about you
- how you can love your neighbors well from your Enneagram strengths
- how to love on your neighbors according to their numbers.
Want to Catch Up on the Whole Series?
- 9 Fruits of the Holy Spirit: Timeless Gifts for Your Messy Life
- Love God Love People the Way You Were Meant To (Before Exhaustion Hits)
- How the Joy of the Lord is Our Strength
- Peace That Surpasses All Understanding: A Gift in the Chaos
- Patience in the Bible: Hope for When You Are Anxious, Worried, and Stressed
- Why Kindness in the Bible Comes From Surrendering, Not Trying Harder
