Love God Love People the Way You Were Meant To (Before Exhaustion Hits)
The command to love God love people sounds simple enough, right? But for any of you who have loved when it hurts or found yourself in a pit of exhaustion or burnout, you know it’s not simple.
There was one evening in particular when I had an aha moment. Exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone, I realized I had been getting it wrong. When it comes to love – that powerful force that shapes our lives – we often picture it as flowing in one direction. But true love, the kind that transforms and sustains us, forms a perfect triangle: loving God, loving others, and yes, loving ourselves. Like a three-stranded cord that cannot be easily broken, these elements weave together to create a love that’s both resilient and life-giving.
Welcome to the first post in our journey through the nine fruits of the Spirit. I’m thrilled to have you join us for this series, where we’ll be joined by some incredible guest writers who will share their wisdom and experiences along the way. It’s fitting that we begin with love, as it forms the foundation for all other spiritual fruit. Just as a tree needs strong roots to produce healthy fruit, our lives need love’s deep roots to produce the joy, peace, patience, and other fruits we’ll explore together in this series.
The Foundation: Why We Love God Love People
“We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). This simple yet profound truth sets the stage for understanding love’s deepest meaning. Jesus Himself gave us the greatest commandment in Matthew 22:37-39:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Notice how Jesus weaves together all three elements – loving God, others, and ourselves – into one beautiful tapestry. When we grasp that we’re not the originators of love but its recipients, something shifts in our hearts. We’re freed from the pressure of manufacturing love and instead become channels of what we’ve already received from Christ.
Understanding Love’s Languages: More Than Just a Feeling
Love speaks in different dialects, and sometimes its loudest voice is in the quietest moments. It’s in the card that arrives via snail mail, a meal when we are sick, or when someone gives us the gift of comfortable silence amid our tears. Through years of walking with God, navigating relationships, and yes, even making plenty of mistakes, I’ve come to understand that, yes, love speaks in different dialects, each with its own beauty and purpose.
Agape: The Umbrella of Love God Love People
This is love that gives without expecting return, that stays when it would be easier to leave. It’s Christ-centered love – unconditional, sacrificial, and endless. When we tap into agape love, we’re drawing from an infinite well that never runs dry. Agape love is the word the Scriptures use for God’s love. Time Kight of A Call to Excellence writes this about agape love:
Agape. This is the noblest word for love in the Greek language, and it is the word that scripture uses for God’s love for us. It is also the kind of love the Lord calls to exercise toward others. It is the word which Paul uses in Ephesians 3 when he prays that we would be “rooted and grounded in love.” It is used approximately 320 times in the New Testament.
Agape goes beyond passion. It goes beyond natural affection. It is not kindled by the merit or worth of it’s object, but it originates in it’s own God-given nature. It loves when the object is unloveable. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). -Tim Kight of A Call to Excellence
Phileos: The Bridge Between Hearts
Phileos is the friendship love that builds bridges between souls. It’s the love that makes you call a friend just to check on them, or spend your Saturday helping someone move. This love creates community and reminds us we’re not meant to walk alone.
Phileo love is a give-and-take kind of love. It is we-oriented. And although it is deeper level love than eros love, it can crumble when both parties don’t actively work at it and reciprocate it.
Eros: Love’s Sacred Fire
While often misunderstood, eros love – when properly expressed within God’s boundaries – celebrates the beautiful intimacy He designed. It’s not just physical attraction, but the deep soul connection between partners that mirrors God’s passionate love for His people.
Eros love is based on how we feel so it tends to be more self-oriented.
The Missing Piece: Learning to Love Yourself
It took a complete burnout for me to learn this lesson. After years of serving in ministry, being the go-to person for everyone’s problems, and saying yes to every request, I found myself completely depleted. Here’s a truth that might feel uncomfortable – one I had to learn the hard way: loving yourself isn’t selfish – it’s necessary. Think of it this way: you can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t give what you don’t have. When we neglect self-love, we:
- Operate from depletion rather than abundance
- Set unhealthy boundaries (or none at all)
- Project our unhealed wounds onto others
However, culture has overtaken the concept of self-love in a negative direction. To be honest, we’ve strayed toward becoming selfish as a culture. But that’s not the kind of self-love God was talking about. I like to look at it as a Venn diagram. God, others, ourselves. The sweet spot is where all three are honored. We honor God first and foremost. By knowing His Word we can know how our actions and choices line up with His will. Then we love others as we love ourselves. Not instead of … but as.
Love God Love People: What It Looks Like in Real Life
Loving God: The Heart’s True North
My personal time with God has become sacred space for me. It doesn’t consist of perfectly crafted prayers, religious performance, or really any specific details to it – just me, my messy heart, and His perfect love. Sometimes it’s my prayer journal and waiting for Him to open my heart to His Truth for my life. Other times it’s a Bible Study, a devotional, or simply soaking in the best book of all time — the Bible. Over the years, creating that space for Him has looked different depending on my life season. But no matter the season, it always looks like:
- Starting your day in conversation with Him, not out of duty but desire
- Bringing your real self – mess and all – to His presence
- Letting His truth, not others’ opinions, define your worth
- Making choices that honor Him, even when it costs something
Loving People: Beyond the Surface
When we brought our daughter home from Bulgaria when she was almost five years old, I learned more about loving others than I had in years of ministry. Then again when my dad began to get ill with Parkinsons Disease and my mom with Alzheimer’s, I learned it all over again. Sometimes love looks like fighting for those who don’t know how to fight for themselves. It looks like holding your tongue when you want to scream. And other times, it looks like a kind gesture when a stranger may be facing something you know nothing about. Real love for others digs deeper than social media likes and surface-level niceties. In my experience, it means:
- Being present when someone’s world is falling apart
- Speaking truth with gentleness when it would be easier to stay silent
- Celebrating others’ victories without comparing them to your journey
- Creating space for people to be real, not perfect
Loving Yourself: The Foundation for Loving Well
This is where many of us stumble, but it’s crucial for healthy relationships. Practice:
- Setting boundaries without guilt
- Taking time for emotional and physical rest
- Doing the hard work of healing old wounds
- Speaking to yourself with the same grace you offer others
Finding the Sweet Spot: Where Love God Love People Intersects
The healthiest place to live is where all three loves meet. It’s where:
- Your love for God overflows naturally to others
- Self-care enables you to serve without resentment
- Relationships deepen because you’re operating from wholeness, not holes
Spirit-Led Solutions: Practical Steps to Walking in Love
Try these simple steps to take to help you grow.
- Start with receiving God’s love. I spend the first 15 minutes of my day just being still in His presence.
- Practice loving yourself God’s way. One way I’m learning to do that is to speak to myself like I would my best friend. I stop the negative banter and replace it with the Truth found in God’s Word.
- Let love be both fierce and tender. I’m learning to say no to good things so I can say yes to the best things.
- Remember that healing is part of loving well. I go to therapy not because I’m broken, but because I want to love from wholeness.
Sometimes I still struggle with the balance. There are days when I fall back into old patterns of people-pleasing or forget to fill my own cup. But that’s the beauty of this journey – it’s not about perfection, it’s about progress.
Love isn’t just a feeling to chase or a concept to understand – it’s a way of life that begins with God, flows through us, and touches everyone around us. When we get this right – this beautiful dance of loving God, loving others, and loving ourselves – we find ourselves living in love’s sweet spot, where life flourishes and relationships thrive.
Remember: love God love people isn’t just a catchy phrase – it’s the heartbeat of a life well-lived, and it starts with accepting that you, too, are worthy of that same love. Worthy of that same love.
Want to Catch Up on the Whole Series?
9 Fruits of the Holy Spirit: Timeless Gifts for Your Messy Life
Check Out My Latest Workbook! Self-Love God’s Way!
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