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How to Build a Lasting Love Story {Marriage Series}

The world of the “How-To” is a dangerously slippery slope.

It’s not the “How-To” resources themselves that are dangerous, it’s how we internalize them. Because we are living in a digital age, we are inundated with materials and resources describing all of life’s “shoulds”.

7 Ways to Keep Your House Clean

5 Things You Must Do to Keep Your Man Happy

10 Strategies Moms Should Never Forget

The goal is simply to grow, but somewhere along the way I think we turn it into something else. A something that leaves us with a list of “shoulds” we can never fulfill, consequently burdening us with false guilt and misdirected judgement.

“I’m not a good wife because I can’t …

“My marriage is less than satisfactory because my husband doesn’t …”

But It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way

Building a Lasting Love Story - A 6-week series with the secrets to loving your spouse well in each season of marriage. Join guest writers as they share their secrets and truths from each stage of marriage. -Lori Schumaker - Searching for Moments

False guilt and misdirected judgement are easy places to land for anyone. As Christians, though, we are frequently prone to taking our own interpretation of God’s Word and calling it law. We unknowingly heap condemnation not only upon each other, but upon ourselves.

Years ago when my children were toddlers, a dear friend who deeply loved the Lord played an important part of that season of my life. We truly enjoyed each other, but there was one area of our friendship that consistently left me bearing the burden of false guilt.

She found great joy in preparing meals and sharing an organized family dinner each night. Her husband loved homemade meals and as he arrived home at 5:30 every evening, they would eat together as a family. It was a precious time in their day, and in my friend’s mind a should for every woman. It is by many Christians exactly what the Proverbs 31 woman is all about.

In spite of her good intentions and zeal to encourage other Mothers in this direction, she failed to see into the unique reality of our individual lives.

My reality was not similar to hers. A late arrival was the only predictability of my husband’s work schedule. Too late for a sit down family meal. I was often on my own and by dinnertime, something simple my children would assuredly eat, was all I had in me.

God hadn’t wired me with a passion for food or cooking. For me, it was simply a necessity. And as for my husband, he was happy heating up simple leftovers in the microwave after spending the precious little time he had playing with the kids before bed. In contrast, he was the kind of guy who preferred a neat and orderly home over a creative meal, which was something I actually loved doing for him.

In the meantime, my friend relentlessly tried creating in me a passion for cooking. I, in turn, forced myself to peruse recipe books while pressuring my husband about an earlier arrival.

I was miserable.

He was stressed.

And as a result, we argued.

Ultimately, what I learned in those years of carrying false guilt was that the unique way in which God created us applies to every aspect of our lives. 

We are not cookie cutter people with cookie cutter answers that solve our every dilemma. We are uniquely made, wired just as God intended.

Life circumstance.




All uniquely designed.

So What Is Important?

Because of both the truth of our unique design and the inundation of advice from the world around us, I believe there are 3 things for which we must hold ourselves accountable.

  1. Knowing God’s Word.
  2. Knowing ourselves.
  3. Knowing those God has given us to care for here on Earth.
[bctt tweet=”Get to the heart of what buy nolvadex online without prescription really matters by knowing these 3 things! #marriageseries #hope #uniquelydesigned” username=”lori_schumaker”]
When we know these 3 things, we get to the heart of what really matters.

By knowing God’s Word and aligning ourselves to it, we lay the foundation of universal needs.  The needs we all have in common irrelevant of our unique design.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. –Colossians 3:12-17 MSG

But for the rest of it? It’s not necessarily in the cooked meals or the clean house. It’s not how often we have sex or how many dates we go on. For each uniquely designed marriage, there is an equal uniqueness to our needs. Both our personal needs and the needs of our spouse. Therefore it is critical to know ourselves and know the ones God has given us to love well. 

Building a Lasting Love Story - A 6-week series with the secrets to loving your spouse well in each season of marriage. Join guest writers as they share their secrets and truths from each stage of marriage. -Lori Schumaker - Searching for Moments

Building a Lasting Love Story

Join me for the Building a Lasting Love Story Series for secrets to loving your spouse well in each season of marriage life.  With time we change as individuals. Our responsibilities change. Those who need us change and our health and financial status changes.

Inevitably, the world around us drastically changes.

I welcome four guest writers, each currently experiencing a different season of marriage.

A New Wife
Busy Parenting Years
Teenagers (need I say more?)
The Almost Empty Nest.
The Golden years.

As a new wife, you have entered a season of brand new. Of transition and learning. Loving well isn't all about the romance and steamy sex! It's about something much much more. -The One Way to Love Well as a New Wife - Building a Lasting Love Story Marriage Series - Alison Tiemeyer for Lori Schumaker  Loving your spouse well during those busy parenting years is not easy work. Your time is minimal and your exhaustion real. So how do you do it? How do you love your spouse well during the busy parenting years? Valerie Murray for Lori Schumaker's Building a Lasting Love Story #MarriageSeries  Parenting during the teen years has a unique set of challenges for marriage. What was important during the busy years with young children or during the newlywed years, looks a little different. Here are 5 ways to love your spouse well while parenting teens. Shannon Geurin for Lori Schumaker - Building a Lasting Love Story #MarriageSeries  You made it through the busy young children years, weathered the teen years, and now you are half in and half out of the empty nest years. So close, but not quite. The kids are busy and don't need you in the same ways. But they are in and out of the house like a revolving door. Now what? How do you refocus yourself and figure out what loving your spouse well looks like in this season? Loving Your Spouse Well When Your Nest is Almost Empty by Melanie Redd for Lori Schumaker's "Building a Lasting Love Story #Marriage Series"  After 63 years of marriage, this couple offers 27 ingredients to building a lasting marriage. They have experienced loving well and today their love story is stronger than ever before. - Building a Lasting Love Story #MarriageSeries - Lori Schumaker

These women share what building a lasting love story looks like for them. They give insight, tools, and secrets learned along the way. I deeply respect each of these women. Their foundation in God is deeply rooted and their commitment to love for the long haul is evident in their lives.

Whether you are a new wife or celebrating the Golden years, you will find encouragement here – and the hope to know it is possible to build a lasting love story.

[bctt tweet=”Different seasons of marriage=different needs. Don’t miss this 6-week #marriageseries #hope #encouragment ” username=”lori_schumaker”]

Until then, may the Lord walk with you, gently revealing one tender Truth after another as you dig into His Word. May your heart be encouraged and your spirit inspired to step toward knowing Christ, knowing yourself, and knowing those God has given you here on Earth. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen

Before you go … Do you need more hope? Hope for your marriage? Parenting? Identity and worth? Or just hope for life in general? Then receiving consistent hope-building content to read each week is a good place to start. Subscribe below!

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  1. So good Lori! We are all individuals and need to embrace our unique situations and seasons.

    1. Thanks, Angela! Yes! We are all beautifully unique thus comparing our situation to another only leads to frustration.

  2. You’re wise to remind us all that we need to stay close to the eternal Truths that are behind marriage and that define us as individuals. If we are complete in Him, we will not be looking to marriage for something it was never intended to do.

    1. Amen, Michele! We place our spouse’s in a role they were never meant to fulfill. We set them up for failure and our hearts up for hurt.

  3. Lori- perfect! It’s easy to not compare my marriage with someone else’s. We are all unique and that goes for our marriages too!

    1. Hi Julie,
      Beautifully unique! You know, it seems so often in life, I have been completely in shock as I see a marriage end. From my angle, it appeared such a great marriage. But we only see one angle. We aren’t in the day to day. And then we compare our spouses to someone else’s best unaware of the struggles that person may have. Thanks for visiting, Julie!
      Blessings and smiles,

  4. Lori – great reminder that we can place expectations on others based on what we would do, but rather, embrace that we are unique and be there to love, help and give advice when asked. I love that you are doing a marriage series with ladies from different stages of life. Looking forward to reading them too. Your neighbor today at #FreshMarketFriday

    1. Thanks so much, Debbie! I’m so excited to see what God will do! I pray He uses this series to give hope, encourage, and strengthen marriages!

  5. This is going to be a great series, Lori!
    I’m looking very forward to reading these posts!

  6. I completely agree! My marriage has never been the cookie-cutter resemblance of what I thought it would look like. I got married and discovered my husband wanted to do the grocery shopping and most of the cooking. I love that he does this now, but I had to adjust my view of what I thought our roles should be. Thank you for doing this series! I’m sure it will bless so many!

    1. I love it, Val! And this ties so much into what Alison says this week about embracing the new season and the learning curve. If we go into our marriages with enough openness to embrace those things that are different than what we imagined, our marriages will suffer less and grow stronger. (Hmmm … I’m giggling because it sounds like kind of a dream to have a husband who likes to cook! lol! Funny how God challenges us, right?)

  7. I’m looking forward to this series! Marriage is such a sanctifying thing and encouragement along the way is so good. I agree that every marriage is unique and it’s important to seek God in your own marriage before you compare it to others. Thanks, Lori!

    1. Anne, I’m so glad you are joining me for the series! I pray it will be an encouragement and God will use it to strengthen marriages! I’m really excited about the weeks to come!

  8. This series is going to be wonderful, Lori. Each marriage and family is very unique. I’m looking forward to learning from this series. Thank you for sharing with Thankful Thursdays.

    1. Thank you, Lori! I pray God will encourage many and serve to strengthen marriages!

  9. SO GOOD, Lori! I can’t wait to read all these great posts! I love how you clarify that each marriage is unique … and what “works” to keep things running smoothly will be unique as well. Curious who your guest writers are! I know it’s going to be good! MISS YOU!

    1. Thanks so much, Dianne! I’m so excited for each of the guest writers. They are all some pretty fantastic women with great big hearts like yours! It’s so good to “visit” even if it’s not in person!