Finding Jesus in the Broken Church: Building a Healthy Relationship with the Church

Finding Jesus can feel impossibly hard when the very place meant to draw us closer to Him becomes the source of our deepest wounds. I remember the day I walked through those familiar church doors, my heart heavy with betrayal, wondering if my spiritual home would ever feel safe again.

Maybe you’ve been there too – that moment when someone you trusted within the church walls broke your trust, and suddenly the warmth of fellowship turned cold. Your story of church hurt isn’t just another statistic; it’s a sacred ache that Jesus Himself understands, and one that doesn’t have to be the end of your faith journey. Let me share with you what I’ve learned about healing and hope, even when the path forward seems unclear.

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When Finding Jesus in the Broken Church Feels too Painful

The warmth inside suddenly disappeared. The peace that once gave you room to breathe was now replaced by the crushing weight of anxiety, leaving your once-joyful heart heavy and empty. The light that used to fill this space dimmed, taking with it the comfort you once knew.

You had poured your heart into serving, finding such delight in contributing to the ministry within your church. It was your sanctuary—your happy place, your safe haven. But someone within those very walls changed everything. Someone you trusted betrayed that trust, shattering not just your confidence but your desire to serve and belong to this community. So you walked away, declaring, “Enough of the Church. I don’t need it to love Jesus.”

But dear friend, I must ask you this tender yet challenging question: Even though you don’t need the church to love Jesus, are you continuing to grow closer to Him on this solitary path? Or has the distance begun to stretch beyond these walls, slowly creating space between you and your Savior?

You see, finding Jesus isn’t about the church building itself. It’s about what Jesus does when we commit our lives to following Him with all we’ve got. It’s about being challenged to grow and having the structure to do so. And, friend, it’s about coming together as the Body of Christ to pray, worship, serve, and encourage just as He designed.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 NLT

A Wounded Body of Believers

I recently read a statistic that said there are 22 million people in the United States who claim their faith matters significantly, but yet have walked away from the church because of a hurt encountered there.

We have too many wounded believers limping through life not experiencing the full transformation available in the Name of Jesus! And the sad fact is they are limping from the wounds inflicted upon them from within the walls of the church. The very church meant to spread the light and love of Jesus to the world, equip believers as disciples, and be a sanctuary for the broken-hearted and weary.

It’s a sad statistic, but it makes all the sense in the world to me.

We are the walking wounded. Struck down by the world in which we live, we seek safety in the arms of Jesus. But where we go wrong, is that we assume the church and the arms of Jesus are the same. We forget that the church is made up of imperfect humans. Yes, we can find encouragement, equipping, and incredible support, but the church is not the perfect arms of Jesus. So, when betrayal happens in the church, we are often caught off guard and disillusioned. We ask ourselves, “How could it happen here?”

I ask, though, where else would the enemy love more to strike? The church has the potential to do great things for God and His children. Therefore the church is the enemy’s prime target. He wants nothing more than to drive a spear through the heart of the church, divide it, and watch it fall.

Finding Jesus in Our Sin

Jesus doesn’t tell us that once we are saved we will never sin again. We are all sinners, whether saved or not. We will still slip up and fall short. That is why we need Him.

Every. Single. Day.

1 John 1:8-10 beautifully addresses this reality: “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.”

So, friend, if we are all still sinners falling short, we must realize that people like us make up this body of believers. Our broken selves make up the Church. If there was betrayal within the select group of 12 that Jesus chose as His disciples, how can there not be betrayal within our churches today?

Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests and asked, “How much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you?” And they gave him thirty pieces of silver. From that time on, Judas began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.-Matthew 26: 14-16 NLT

But amongst the broken, God does His best work. If we search, we will find treasures within our church bodies. Among those who allow selfishness to lead their lives, we will find the ones living a life led by the Holy Spirit. We will find those living lives fueled by love and sacrifice.

If We Walk Away From the Church, We Walk Away From the Chance to Experience Something Special

When we are estranged from the church, we miss out on those who are getting it right. We miss out on the ones who will reach out, sacrifice, and love us. The ones who will reach across, pray on our behalf, and come alongside us in our darkest moments to lend a physical or spiritual hand. We will also miss out on the opportunity to be that kind of person.

And most importantly, we will miss out on opportunities for finding Jesus.

Growing in relationship with anyone means getting to know them well. I think of my mom and dad who were married for 67 years. Their relationship took my breath away. The way they loved and understood one another and knew each other’s very thoughts. Every year they grew closer and loved more deeply. But that took time, lots of talking, experiencing the ups and downs of life together, arguing and laughing.

That’s how we find Jesus. We stay in close communion with Him, learning about Him through our own experiences and the experiences of others. When we read His Word and see His redeeming love in action, we grow closer to Him and understand His purpose for our lives better.

I love my church. It provides a place to find those people getting it right and it allows me an abundance of opportunities to see my good Father in action.  It keeps me from getting lazy with my faith and pushes me to know Jesus more each day. Even in the churches where I was hurt, I found deep and lasting relationships. God truly is faithful and works all things together for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

It’s as though God seals those friendships born out of pure hearts and a thirst for Him.

Finding Jesus may look different for you than for me. It may be a large building, a small building, or an area without walls. It may be thousands, hundreds, or a handful of believers. That doesn’t matter.

But What Does Matter Is Finding Jesus.

In your current setting, are you growing closer to Him? Are you walking a life that reflects His love? His glory? His righteousness? Are you following where He is leading?

I know your journey is solely yours. If your hurt caused you to walk away from the church, my heart grieves with you. I am so sorry for that travesty. And I know Jesus weeps with you. Your hurt grieves Him and the betrayal enrages Him. I know that His desire was and is for a church that lifts up, loves, encourages, empowers, teaches, and disciples others.

But I can encourage you only by saying, don’t give up hope. God has a community of believers for you. When you choose Jesus, He will open and close the doors guiding you to where He calls you. As you search for that place, I’ve listed seven core strategies to enlist.

7 Tips for Engaging In Church Community

1. Keep expectations realistic.

The Church is an entity run by fallible people and will therefore fall short of perfection. Do not allow the Church to become your idol.

2. Remember that we are all sinners therefore the church is filled with sinners.

Crossing through the doors of a church does not make us sinless. 

3. Make intentional daily choices to humbly submit to God, your calling, your gifts, and your roles.

They belong to Him and doing so stops selfishness and comparison from growing within our spirits.

4. Place priority on your relationship with and for Christ.

You are there and in relationship with people, but your relationships are for Christ and appointed by Christ.

5. Be a catalyst in loving others.

If everyone waits for the other to take action, nothing happens and all remain stuck in isolation.

6. Embrace the truth that God is made strong in your weakness.

This gives you the power to be yourself. You don’t need to pretend you are perfect, hide your areas of weakness, or fall into pride. You know if you put yourself out there and are hurt, the grace of Jesus will catch you, and He will continue to work great things through your life. 

7. Pray intentionally for the leadership in the Church.

When a decision is made to point to Jesus with your life, you become the enemy’s target. Our leadership needs our prayers of wisdom, guidance, and protection over them and their families.

A Prayer for Finding Jesus

When you are hurt by the Church and don't know which way to turn-Just Choose Jesus. #findingJesus #hope Share on X

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Join Me for the Series!

When People Hurt You: Rising Above the Emotional Pain of Rejection and Betrayal is a series that looks into the Word of God as a guide to not just surviving but rising victoriously over hurt. Each week I address a new aspect of rejection and betrayal that serves to keep us stuck in the pain rather than moving forward to where we want to be.                          

Want to Read all the Posts In the “When People Hurt You” Series?

1. 7 Powerful Truths You Need to Help You Overcome Betrayal and Rejection
2. How Do You Get Over Betrayal, Rejection, and Toxic Guilt?
3. Escaping the Victim Triangle: What to Choose When Someone Hurts You
4. 5 Powerful Faith Quotes for When Life Is Not Fair
5. Choosing Forgiveness Over Revenge: A Prayer for Forgiveness
6. Building Inner Strength: How to Transform Your Pain into a Powerful Way Forward
7. Getting Unstuck: Letting Go of the Past and Choosing to Live Again
8. Finding Jesus in the Broken Church: Building a Healthy Relationship With Your Church Community

Also, I’ve created a Scripture Based Journal and Growth Guide that corresponds to each weekly devotional post allowing you to go deeper and make each lesson more meaningful. It allows you to get unstuck and deal with the rejection and betrayal holding you back.

This journal along with a set of printable Scripture Cards to give you hope is now in the Library of Hope! If you have already subscribed to our community, jump on over and grab your copy! If you haven’t subscribed, what are you waiting for? 🙂 Just use the form below for your access to the Library of Hope and this journal!

     

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