How Unconditional Grace Transforms Your Relationship

What Is a Healthy Relationship

I don’t remember the exact situation. Probably because my two preschool-aged boys were offending one another SO OFTEN! I honestly believe, on some days, they squabbled more often than not.

Teaching them how to apologize and then extend grace in forgiveness was important to me because I knew it was critical to them learning how to love each other well.

Why Unconditional Grace?

Although both the humbling of our pride in admitting wrongdoing and the extension of grace are important to loving well, without the grace there is no hope.

Without grace, we cannot have healthy relationships.

If it weren’t for God’s grace, you and I wouldn’t be able to live for even one more minute. God’s grace sustains us every moment of the day, and without His grace, we couldn’t even exist. We think we have control of our lives–but if it weren’t for God’s grace, we wouldn’t even be alive. -Billy Graham

I’d said it my whole life.

When someone apologized, I automatically answered with, “It’s okay.”

But when I saw the interactions between my boys, something clicked deep in my spirit. The offense one of them committed wasn’t “okay”. It was wrong … Yet it was forgivable.

So, instead of replying with an, “Okay”, I taught them to respond with, “I forgive you.”

You see, an apology doesn’t justify the wrong, but it does humble our spirit giving God room to work within us. And likewise, forgiveness isn’t denying the sin, the hurt, or the betrayal. It’s not pretending something didn’t happen. It’s about trusting God’s love, faithfulness, and justice system.

It’s about receiving God’s grace – His kindness and love even when we don’t deserve it – and sharing that same grace with others.

When we receive and share God’s grace, we stop shame in its tracks.

It no longer has the potential to thwart or destroy what is a healthy relationship. Grace breathes life into what is broken and allows relationships an opportunity to thrive.

Extending grace isn’t about justifying a wrong. It’s about inviting God into the midst of our relationship. It’s about surrendering the space in our hearts to represent His love.

Receiving God’s grace separates us from shame leaving us capable of healthy relationships.

His grace says we are forgiven and loved despite the contents of our past or the pain of our today. And when we embrace that truth, we live differently because we cannot receive God’s grace and not be changed.

Therefore, if we receive God’s grace, we are then capable of sharing it. And just as receiving it separates us from shame, extending grace removes shame from our relationships.

That is how it transforms our relationships — how it makes healthy relationships. When we face the darkest moments of life, the weakest areas of our character are uncomfortably displayed. It’s when we unknowingly hurt each other. And it is when we are tempted to run out the nearest relationship exit.

But for God and His gift of grace.

It tells us to:

Dig in rather than run.

Grow and learn without shame.

Step out of our mistakes toward something better.

Love as He loves us.

Humble ourselves when an apology is called for.

Christ has freed us so that we may enjoy the benefits of freedom. Therefore, be firm in this freedom, and don’t become slaves again. -Galatians 5:1 GW

God came to set us free.  He doesn’t want a wall of shame separating us from Him, nor does He want that wall keeping us from the healthy relationship He desires for us. Run to Him, my friends, and run as fast as you can into His unconditional grace.

It will transform your relationship.♥

Coaching Question:

How would your relationship change if you fully received and then extended God’s grace? What are the roadblocks you face when you try to receive His grace?

Scripture:

It is certain that death ruled because of one person’s failure. It’s even more certain that those who receive God’s overflowing kindness and the gift of his approval will rule in life because of one person, Jesus Christ. -Romans 5:17 GW

Next Step Challenge:

Pray this prayer:

Lord, I pray I come to know and believe fully the love and unconditional grace You have for us. You are Love, and whoever abides in love abides in You, and You abide in him (1 John 4:16). I seek this kind of love in my heart, in my relationships, and as the fruit of my life. Lord, perfect Your love in me so I can love others as You so tirelessly love me. May my love be not selfish nor carry pride. May it lift and build up. And may it both humble itself in apology and choose forgiveness.

Lord, I thank you for a love that is an extension of you as a free gift to me. I ask You, Father, to prick my heart with this reminder in moments of irritation, annoyance, hurt, or fear. Reminding me that Your love is perfect in all ways and drives out all fear. Lord, in times my pride rises and my desire to be “right” grows, push to the forefront of my mind the design You have for what is a healthy relationship. And when the road seems long with thoughts of “impossible” creeping into my heart and mind, bring Your words of victorious truth to my lips: Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”(Matt 19:26) In the Name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Would you like to catch up on the remainder of the Feeling Disconnected Series?  Click the link in the sidebar or click HERE! Or would you like a printable PDF version of the prayer above? You can find that in the resource-filled Library of Hope! It’s easy! Sign up below to get access to that!

The How Do You See Yourself Free Online Quiz!

I have created an interactive 5-minute quiz that will tell you how well you see yourself as a reflection of Christ versus a reflection of an ever-changing and often angry world. What is your Identity Factor (IF) and how does it affect all of your relationships? Do you long for more than the world’s reflection?

And then be on the look-out because next month I am releasing an email course titled Longing for More than the World’s Reflection. It will walk you through the steps to seeing yourself in the reflection of an unwavering and loving God rather than in the unsteady and often angry reflection of the world. Stay tuned for more information!

Featured #MomentsofHope Post

In the spirit of relationship advice, I absolutely loved When Marriage is Not What You Expected written by Rachel of Be Thee Inspired! Her marriage advice couldn’t be more solid. I found myself nodding my head in agreement over and over again! What I especially loved, though, is that this post isn’t just for the woman already married. It is also for the one even contemplating marriage!

“For many of us, we enter into marriage naively. We have unrealistic expectations of what married life should be, and when those expectations fall short, we are left feeling disillusioned and discontent.” 

Ahhh, yes … the “shoulds” and all the unrealistic expectations. They create loads of conflict and discontent right from the start. So, jump on over to Be Thee Inspired and read Rachel’s 5 common misconceptions about marriage and the truth that will set you free! While you are there, please don’t forget to share some #MomentsofHope comment love ♥

#MomentsofHope Link-Up

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What I ask of you:

1. Share up to 2 blog post URLs resonating with the topic of HOPE. That which gives us hope for tomorrow and hope for victory. The little things and the big that inspire us to lean into Jesus and let Him carry us through.
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