How Unconditional Grace Transforms Your Relationship
What Is a Healthy Relationship
I don’t remember the exact situation. Probably because my two preschool-aged boys were offending one another SO OFTEN! I honestly believe, on some days, they squabbled more often than not.
Teaching them how to apologize and then extend grace in forgiveness was important to me because I knew it was critical to them learning how to love each other well.
Teaching my children to apologize and then extend grace was important to me because I knew it was a critical component in learning to love well #unconditionalgrace #healthyrelationships #lovewell #hope #linkup #MomentsofHope… Share on X
Why Unconditional Grace?
Although both the humbling of our pride in admitting wrongdoing and the extension of grace are important to loving well, without the grace there is no hope.
Without grace, we cannot have healthy relationships.
Without grace there is no hope. #healthyrelationships #reconnectingrelationships #hope #onlinequiz #series #lovingwell #unconditionalgrace Share on XIf it weren’t for God’s grace, you and I wouldn’t be able to live for even one more minute. God’s grace sustains us every moment of the day, and without His grace, we couldn’t even exist. We think we have control of our lives–but if it weren’t for God’s grace, we wouldn’t even be alive. -Billy Graham
I’d said it my whole life.
When someone apologized, I automatically answered with, “It’s okay.”
But when I saw the interactions between my boys, something clicked deep in my spirit. The offense one of them committed wasn’t “okay”. It was wrong … Yet it was forgivable.
So, instead of replying with an, “Okay”, I taught them to respond with, “I forgive you.”
You see, an apology doesn’t justify the wrong, but it does humble our spirit giving God room to work within us. And likewise, forgiveness isn’t denying the sin, the hurt, or the betrayal. It’s not pretending something didn’t happen. It’s about trusting God’s love, faithfulness, and justice system.
It’s about receiving God’s grace – His kindness and love even when we don’t deserve it – and sharing that same grace with others.
When we receive and share God’s grace, we stop shame in its tracks.
It no longer has the potential to thwart or destroy what is a healthy relationship. Grace breathes life into what is broken and allows relationships an opportunity to thrive.
Extending grace isn’t about justifying a wrong. It’s about inviting God into the midst of our relationship. It’s about surrendering the space in our hearts to represent His love.
Extending grace isn't about justifying a wrong. It's about inviting God into the midst of our relationship. It's about surrendering the space in our hearts to represent His love. #reconnectingrelationships #unconditionalgrace #love… Share on XReceiving God’s grace separates us from shame leaving us capable of healthy relationships.
His grace says we are forgiven and loved despite the contents of our past or the pain of our today. And when we embrace that truth, we live differently because we cannot receive God’s grace and not be changed.
Therefore, if we receive God’s grace, we are then capable of sharing it. And just as receiving it separates us from shame, extending grace removes shame from our relationships.
That is how it transforms our relationships — how it makes healthy relationships. When we face the darkest moments of life, the weakest areas of our character are uncomfortably displayed. It’s when we unknowingly hurt each other. And it is when we are tempted to run out the nearest relationship exit.
But for God and His gift of grace.
It tells us to:
Dig in rather than run.
Grow and learn without shame.
Step out of our mistakes toward something better.
Love as He loves us.
Humble ourselves when an apology is called for.
Christ has freed us so that we may enjoy the benefits of freedom. Therefore, be firm in this freedom, and don’t become slaves again. -Galatians 5:1 GW
God came to set us free. He doesn’t want a wall of shame separating us from Him, nor does He want that wall keeping us from the healthy relationship He desires for us. Run to Him, my friends, and run as fast as you can into His unconditional grace.
It will transform your relationship.♥
Coaching Question:
How would your relationship change if you fully received and then extended God’s grace? What are the roadblocks you face when you try to receive His grace?
Scripture:
It is certain that death ruled because of one person’s failure. It’s even more certain that those who receive God’s overflowing kindness and the gift of his approval will rule in life because of one person, Jesus Christ. -Romans 5:17 GW
Next Step Challenge:
Pray this prayer:
Lord, I pray I come to know and believe fully the love and unconditional grace You have for us. You are Love, and whoever abides in love abides in You, and You abide in him (1 John 4:16). I seek this kind of love in my heart, in my relationships, and as the fruit of my life. Lord, perfect Your love in me so I can love others as You so tirelessly love me. May my love be not selfish nor carry pride. May it lift and build up. And may it both humble itself in apology and choose forgiveness.
Lord, I thank you for a love that is an extension of you as a free gift to me. I ask You, Father, to prick my heart with this reminder in moments of irritation, annoyance, hurt, or fear. Reminding me that Your love is perfect in all ways and drives out all fear. Lord, in times my pride rises and my desire to be “right” grows, push to the forefront of my mind the design You have for what is a healthy relationship. And when the road seems long with thoughts of “impossible” creeping into my heart and mind, bring Your words of victorious truth to my lips: Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”(Matt 19:26) In the Name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.
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The How Do You See Yourself Free Online Quiz!
I have created an interactive 5-minute quiz that will tell you how well you see yourself as a reflection of Christ versus a reflection of an ever-changing and often angry world. What is your Identity Factor (IF) and how does it affect all of your relationships? Do you long for more than the world’s reflection?
And then be on the look-out because next month I am releasing an email course titled Longing for More than the World’s Reflection. It will walk you through the steps to seeing yourself in the reflection of an unwavering and loving God rather than in the unsteady and often angry reflection of the world. Stay tuned for more information!
How Unconditional Grace Transforms Your Relationship #takethequiz #healthyrelationships #identity #grace #hope #Godslove #linkup Share on X
Featured #MomentsofHope Post
In the spirit of relationship advice, I absolutely loved When Marriage is Not What You Expected written by Rachel of Be Thee Inspired! Her marriage advice couldn’t be more solid. I found myself nodding my head in agreement over and over again! What I especially loved, though, is that this post isn’t just for the woman already married. It is also for the one even contemplating marriage!
“For many of us, we enter into marriage naively. We have unrealistic expectations of what married life should be, and when those expectations fall short, we are left feeling disillusioned and discontent.”
Ahhh, yes … the “shoulds” and all the unrealistic expectations. They create loads of conflict and discontent right from the start. So, jump on over to Be Thee Inspired and read Rachel’s 5 common misconceptions about marriage and the truth that will set you free! While you are there, please don’t forget to share some #MomentsofHope comment love ♥
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Wrangling preschooler relationships is such good preparation for finding grace in our own relationships. (Sometimes I felt like a lion tamer instead of a mum.)
Thanks for this pause to consider the great gift of God in making us relational beings and in entering into relationship with us in spite of all our prickliness.
Thanks for this Lori. “I forgive you” are good words I need to remember to teach with all these grandkids. It’s not okay – It’s I forgive you.
Wonderful post! Thank you for sharing on the importance of saying, “It’s not okay – I forgive you.”
Lori, we teach the very same principal to our children! Not every heart assault IS okay, but with God it can be forgiven!
Funny story about grace- I used to hate to listen to sermon series on grace. I felt they were mushy and soft. Yeah, yeah, we all know of the importance and significance of God’s grace. Yada yada yada. It literally used to bore me to tears. “Let’s get to the good stuff” I would say to myself.
It wasn’t until I had messed up real bad, and was the one SO desperately in need of God’s grace, that I came to fully understand and appreciate this undeserved precious gift!
Funny how that works! And yes, grace is massively important in navigating relationships! Thank you for teaching on this subject. 🙂
And thank you for the feature this week! What a wonderful surprise! You are a great encouragement to me! Bless you! <3
I love your point about stopping shame. God does not desire to shame us with grace, and too often that’s our response to sin. My prayer is to accept God’s grace with freedom, not shame!
Saying your sorry is humbling. But saying you ae forgiven is also humbling. Because it means if I say “I forgive you,” than I need to put the matter aside and truly mean it. not bring it up over and over again or carry anger around. We practice saying we are sorry and then saying I forgive you in our family, but sometimes it is hard. Sometimes I debate saying, No I want to be angry at you longer. But I don’t. And when I say I forgive you, it is so good for them and me.
Extending grace teaches us to dig in rather than run! I love that, Lori! What a beautiful image of God’s unfailing love and saving grace! Beautiful word of encouragement! Blessings and big hugs!
My roadblock would be not feeling worthy of God’s grace. I would rather earn it. When your kids were little we taught them “sorry” was for something accidental like stepping on a toe. But if you wronged someone you asked for forgiveness. “Will you forgive me?” Then that gave the other person the opportunity to say, “Yes, I will forgive you or I am not ready yet.” We also at time would give our kids grace for what they had done wrong. We would say “we are giving you grace. “
This is a beautiful reminder. Sometimes pride gets in the way. But extending grace makes a relationship healthy.
What a powerful post, Lori! I loved this line, “Extending grace isn’t about justifying a wrong. It’s about inviting God into the midst of our relationship.” So true and so important to understand, as well as teach to our children! I’m sharing this for sure!
Lori, I have been on sabbatical, and it is so good to come back here! Love the truth that God’s grace separates us from shame….such a true opposite of shame, and God’s perfect answer. I think I will forever be absorbing that gift!