Singing Through Fire: My Faith Journey Through Deep Suffering
Did you know that sometimes the most profound faith journey begins not with answers, but with questions that shatter everything we thought we knew about God’s goodness?
Today I’m honored to introduce you to Lara Silverman, whose newly published memoir Singing Through Fire isn’t your typical Christian success story. As someone who spent four years bedridden with a rare neurological disorder, fell in love with a terminally ill youth pastor, and lost him just one year after their wedding, Lara knows that faith isn’t about getting the life we want—it’s about discovering that God’s presence is enough, even in our deepest pain.
Lara’s story will meet you exactly where you are, whether you’re asking hard questions about God’s silence or wondering if joy and sorrow can really coexist in the same heart. Her words offer raw, honest testimony of a God who shows up powerfully in the ashes. So grab your favorite cup of coffee—Lara’s about to show us what it looks like to sing in the fire, even when your voice is shaking.
Singing Through Fire: The Why’s That Paved My Faith Journey
What if you fall in love at death’s doorstep? What if healing doesn’t look like a miracle? What if God says, simply, “No”? That’s what Singing Through Fire, my newly published memoir, is about. It’s my story of losing everything—and asking the Lord: Why?
Suffering strips us down to the bare bones of our beliefs, doesn’t it? For me, suffering hasn’t just been a chapter—it’s been the furnace shaping my faith journey the past eight years. I didn’t write this book with answers or a happy ending. I wrote it to testify that even in the ashes, Jesus Christ shows up. Powerfully.
When Questions Were Louder Than the Answers
Once upon a time I believed faith meant certainty. That if I prayed enough and walked the straight path, life would make sense. But life apparently didn’t get the memo.
One week into my dream job as a federal prosecutor, illness came—relentless and cruel—and never left. A rare neurological disorder trapped me in my own body. For four years, I was fully bedridden, unable to lift my head off of one pillow. My parents became my full-time nurses. My world shrank to a single bedroom. My body became a prison.
In that dark place, the questions multiplied: Why would a good God allow this? Where is He while I cry into the silence? Did I earn this somehow? Why did I work so hard to get into Stanford Law School if I’d never get to use the degree?
I was heartbroken—and bitter. The answers didn’t come. But slowly, unexpectedly, God did. Not with a rescue or healing. But in the quiet. In the stillness. I began to sense His presence—a faithful companion in the fire.
That was the beginning of a different kind of faith journey. One that no longer depended on everything being “fine.” Or on winning all the earthly “accomplishments”: career, travel, spouse, kids.
The Messy Middle of the Faith Journey
This life-before-heaven is messy. It’s where faith is tested, stretched, and sometimes nearly extinguished. For me, I had lost my health, my dreams, my independence. My faith was growing then cracking, growing then cracking on that bed. Then something wild and beautiful happened: Matt Silverman.
Matt was a joyful, wise, hilarious youth pastor and professor—who also happened to be fighting terminal cancer. Because apparently, God loves a good plot twist.
How do you fall in love while confined to a bed? By the grace of God. Matt didn’t see my illness—he saw me. He entered my world with strong theology, gentleness and grit. He honored my story and stayed, even as his own body betrayed him. Classic rom-com setup, right? No. But the other details of our Godly romance might surprise you. Think “extroverted Lara writes swoon-worthy Victorian-era love letters to introverted Matt while his chemo pump sticks out of him.”
We laughed until we cried. We cried until we laughed. We played music in chemo rooms. We talked theology in hospital waiting areas. We walked into our wedding day carrying uncertainty, suffering, and a fierce dependence on God. And also joy—sacred, costly joy. Rooted in eternity.
One year later, I watched my husband die. He was only 40.
It wasn’t a fairytale. But it was holy. A testimony that God brings deep beauty from our deepest pain. Our short marriage was filled with pain—but also with surprising musical encounters, God’s grace, tons of laughter, and…shocking joy. Even on Matt’s deathbed.
Why I Wrote Singing Through Fire On My Faith Journey
After Matt died, God nudged my spirit to write a memoir about my faith journey. He knew I needed to be raw and honest with myself—and Him. Writing helped me peel back the layers, not just for my sake, but for anyone who’s ever felt abandoned by God, confused by His silence, or crushed under the weight of sorrow. I wrote the book lying down in my bed, as I’m still bedridden half of each day.
I also wrote this book because I’ve begged the Lord for answers all these years, and He’s graciously whispered many reasons why He allows His children to suffer. Some are surprising. I want to share those with other believers who are sitting in their fires and wondering if they’re the only ones. My memoir doesn’t offer “how-to’s” for getting through, but rather witnesses to the God who meets us in it and gives us eternal hope and joy that squashes despair.
I’m also a comedian, so let’s be honest: there’s tons of humor in the book. We cracked jokes in hospice. Filmed a hilariously sarcastic movie on being Christian newlyweds. Played flute and violin duets in hospital wards. Let’s just say my book is a modern-day Book of Job meets Lucille Ball.
What You Should Know During Your Faith Journey
Here’s what I know now after eight years in the fire:
- God doesn’t waste pain.
- Faith is not a straight line—it’s a messy, looping walk through valleys, deserts, and occasionally, hospital cafeterias.
- Joy and suffering can and must sit at the same table. God commands it: “Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.” 2 Corinthians 6:10. One of my favorites now.
- You can sing in the fire—even if it’s off-key while wearing hospital socks. Especially then.
My faith journey hasn’t been a highlight reel. It’s been more of a blooper reel with occasional moments of brilliance. I’ve doubted. I’ve raged. I’ve gone silent. And yet, God has met me over and over—in devotionals, in unexpected conversations, in His Word. Not always with explanations, but always with Himself.
So if there’s one thing I hope readers take from Singing Through Fire, it’s this: God is faithful in the fire. Even when we falter. Even when we doubt. Even when we feel utterly abandoned. Even when we lose health, career, and spouse.
He pulls us back. Every. Single. Time.
If You’re In the Fire Now
If you’re suffering now, let me tell you this: your story isn’t over. Your suffering doesn’t get the final word. God is not pacing Heaven wondering how to fix your mess. He’s already working it into something beautiful—even if the full redemption won’t be visible this side of eternity. I’m taking that promise to the bank. I believe I’ll see the full redemption of my story—and Matt’s—in Heaven. After all, “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:17.
God may not always remove the fire. But He always redeems it. He may not answer “Why me?” But He walks every broken step beside us—until we can finally say, “Even this, Lord. Even this, I surrender.”
Wherever you are on your faith journey, I pray you find courage to believe He’s still writing your story.
Because He is.
And it’s going to be beautiful.
Meet the Author
Lara Silverman
Lara Silverman is a lawyer, jazz singer, comedic actress, violinist, and songwriter. She holds a J.D. from Stanford Law School and a B.A. in both Economics and Political Science from UC Berkeley, where she was one of six finalists for the University Medal, Berkeley’s highest academic distinction. Before falling seriously ill in 2018, Lara worked for two federal judges and practiced high stakes litigation for three years at Arnold & Porter Kaye Scholer LLP, where she specialized in intellectual property, antitrust, and contract cases of all kinds.
In 2023, Lara co-founded The Silverman Show—a multifaceted comedy, music, and theology show—and released her debut jazz/pop album as her own music producer in February 2024, even while bedridden. In September 2024, she debuted as Mrs. Serious in her solo Armenian comedy show online. Lara’s writing has been featured in various respected Christian blogs, where her reflections on faith, suffering, and grace have encouraged others. Even as she remains mostly bedridden today, she anchors her unwavering hope in God.
To connect and watch Lara’s music, comedy, and Christian content on social media:
- The Silverman Show YouTube Channel
- YouTube Channel and Book Trailer
But Wait!
Join thousands of other women as they unveil their hope, heal their hearts, and move forward with confidence! Get this simple yet powerful Hope Toolkit, along with full access to my Library of Hope, which is loaded with free digital resources. You’ll also receive my newsletter, providing the inside scoop on the latest and greatest resources to support your journey.
