5 Eye-Opening Lessons We Learned About Thriving as an Adoptive Family

Thriving as an adoptive family is hard-fought, but well worth it! It takes wisdom, but even more importantly, it takes surrender to the God who knits together families. No matter how much a family prepares, their reality will demand much more. Each child and each family is unique. Only full surrender allows us to embrace what God is doing even when it doesn’t resemble the visions of our hearts.

The Tender Gifts of God’s Mercy

I remember the day I first saw her face. The big brown eyes, the curly black ringlets of hair around her head, and the smile sprawled across her tiny face. Something about her spoke straight to my heart.

At that moment I knew she was ours.  The Holy Spirit moved as I’d never before experienced. This was the child God had hand-picked for us halfway around the world.

You see, long ago, God had created a special place in my heart that lay empty. As I looked at the little girl in that picture, that empty place was empty no more. Hope was unveiled.

It was a beautiful conviction. One for which I will forever be thankful because, along the difficult journey ahead of us, I would find myself holding onto that moment again and again. I believe God made my conviction that strong so that over the next several years, I would never doubt whether this child was meant to be ours. I would never doubt His hand in our lives.

The Long Road to Becoming an Adoptive Family

Our journey was marked by the customary adoptive requirements including massive amounts of adoption paperwork and red tape. However, paperwork and red tape were only the beginning. Although our wait had already been one year, we fought another 15 months to bring our daughter home.

Courts, files, and clearances were mysteriously lost or unapproved. Judges, social workers, caregivers, and agencies seemed to have lost sight of the fact that a precious life was in their hands.

Not a number on paper, but a precious life. One suffering neglect and abuse as she awaited rescue.

It was a brutal time in our lives as it is for most who choose adoption. But the brutality isn’t more than God can handle. As a matter of fact, it’s a brutal God profoundly redeems.

For me, a piece of that redemption was what He taught me about fighting fiercely for the things that break His heart.

5 Eye-Opening Lessons We Learned About Thriving as an Adoptive Family

Although there are more than 5 lessons we learned about thriving as an adoptive family, these are the 5 most important!

1. A voice is necessary.

Before adoption, I was a conflict avoider. A peacemaker at all costs. But during that process, God taught me that my voice was necessary to fight for His children.

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. –Isaiah 1:17 NIV

2. Righteous anger is okay.

All anger terrified me before. I would feel guilt for any brewing anger. I didn’t understand the difference between righteous anger and unrighteous anger. Righteous anger motivates us to do something about injustice. Unrighteous anger only leads us down paths of sin. I love this quote by Matthew Henry.

“Wise anger is like the fire from the flint; there is a great ado to bring it out; and when it does come, it is out again immediately.” -Matthew Henry

Jesus shows us several examples of righteous anger.

And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?”  But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. –Mark 3:4-5 ESV

3. Preparation is crucial for an adoptive family.

There are several areas where preparation is much needed to thrive as an adoptive family. The time spent before will allow you more time in the moment when your child comes home. It will give you the wisdom to make wise choices in difficult moments and give you the time to sit with the Lord as you search for answers.

Preparation for adoption paperwork and medical paperwork. I needed to have the receipts, copies, and resources ready at a moment’s notice.

Preparation in prayer. I prayed intensely for God to prepare the hearts of our boys to love their sister despite whatever may come. Oh, how He did! I’ve never seen such a grand love take place.

Preparation in the form of education. Parenting a child from hard places isn’t like parenting a child born into the arms of an emotionally and physically loving family. Trauma has lasting effects on the brains of children born from and into trauma.

Preparation to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus because at the end of all our efforts is Him. He will make the biggest difference in your life as an adoptive family.

The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord. -Proverbs 21:31 ESV

4. Pushing forward in battle is possible even when many have left your side.

Adoption is complicated and it affects not only the child, but the dynamics of the adoptive family as a whole. It’s often glamorized by the world and the realities of the grief, loss, and trauma are unknown. Many simply will not be able to wrap their heads around this and will not understand the fight. Jesus sometimes became my sole encourager. He alone understood what I was facing each day.

Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant. –Galatians 1:10 NLT

5. God is there even when you can’t understand Him.

We did bring our baby girl home. When we finally got to her, she was broken. Malnourished, bruised, dirty, sick, and mentally unhealthy. Overwhelm was our life. I looked to God and couldn’t understand. The question “Why?” fervently consumed my mind. I wrestled with God because He didn’t get us to her sooner. Friends, it took 15 months to get to her. 15 months of additional neglect and abuse.

15 months.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. –Isaiah 55:8-9

Honestly, friends, I don’t truly know that answer and someday when I come face to face with Him, I will ask. But I do know that every step we took toward her, He prepared me for what was to come. He prepared me to fight fiercely because, for our little girl, the story had only just begun.

Today I’m still fighting fiercely for her as we navigate doctors, therapies, behavior strategies, and nutrition. And I pray that as God strengthened me into the warrior He needed, He is in turn creating fierceness in the adoptive family who come after us.

I pray my boys and my daughter grow to be fierce. I pray other Mamas on the journey step into their God-appointed battles with fierceness. And I pray that those who hear our story, catch the seed, water it with the power of Christ, and someday step equipped into the battles they themselves will someday face.

If you are on an adoption journey and need encouragement or prayer, please feel free to comment or email! I’d be honored to support you!

My Book!

Surrendered Hearts: An Adoption Story of Love, Loss, and Learning to Trust is our family’s adoption story. But it’s so much more. It’s how we’ve learned to surrender our will for God’s and how we’ve experienced miracles because of it. My prayer is that as each person steps out into the unknown, they lean into the strength of Christ and discover something far beyond what they have ever imagined.

Want to go straight to Amazon? Then you can click HERE!

Surrendered Hearts: An Adoption Story of Love, Loss, and Learning to Trust

Want to go straight to Amazon? Then you can click HERE!

Want more information?

The Surrendered Hearts website is HERE! You’ll find the Book Video Trailer and other goodies like shareable images, tweets, and a set of FREE Bonus Resources for the adoptive parent or for anyone needing a little extra encouragement in life!